


Entre Nous

by Shira_Taka



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blow Jobs, BoyxBoy, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oral Sex, Sex Positive, crude language, emotional idiocy, recovering from trauma, unhealthy views of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-28 23:39:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17796968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shira_Taka/pseuds/Shira_Taka
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke are roommates in college. One night during their junior year, Sasuke gets drunk and lets slip that he has never experienced a decent blow job. Of course, Naruto cannot let this stand. What's a little oral sex among friends, anyway?





	1. Too Much to Drink

Sasuke yawned behind his hand and took another drink of sake. He acknowledged to himself that he was far more intoxicated than he should be, far more intoxicated than was advisable around Naruto’s _friends._

 

He stifled a smirk and an eye-roll. He really hated Naruto’s friends, especially the two here tonight. Naruto had already complimented Gaara excessively—in Sasuke’s view, at least—on the precise way that his tight, leather pants clung to his hips.

 

Gaara, though, was far preferable to the other; Sasuke could hardly induce himself to say the man’s name. Gaara’s primary flaws, in Sasuke’s mind, were the openly suggestive comments he elicited from Naruto and the quiet voyeurism of his judgments.

 

Gaara’s eyes were intense. It was not just their otherworldly shade of green or the kohl that so enhanced their hypnotism; Sasuke was immune to their allure, although he could appreciate their beauty. Rather, it was the constant analysis that they seemed to be running. They fixed themselves upon Sasuke rather more than he would like, and upon Naruto far more than Sasuke would have liked. He never understood what was going through the man’s mind as he studied the two of them, although…

 

In Naruto’s case, Sasuke felt he had a good idea of what was going through Gaara’s mind. Gaara seldom smiled for anyone, but the smile he reserved for Naruto was unique. He had been Naruto’s first lover, after all, and Sasuke had walked in on the two of them many times during their freshman year.

 

Sasuke found the concept of sex squeamish in general. In regards to his best friend, it was sickening. He hated himself for the jealousy he felt over Gaara’s intrusion into Naruto’s life. Naruto had every right to the pursuit of happiness, including whatever happiness sex and romance brought to him. There was something painful, though, in knowing that this was one milestone Naruto shared with someone else. With another man, no less.

 

Sasuke had not particularly cared for the Hyuuga girl, either. She was far too cloying and far too spoiled to understand someone like Naruto. He snorted as he remembered the weekend that Naruto had broken off their “engagement.” He and Naruto had both been sprawled drunkenly over the floor of their dorm room as Naruto cried about “breaking Hinata’s heart” and how “she didn’t deserve this.”

 

When Sasuke had pried about why he was breaking it off if he still cared for her, Naruto’s face had gone bright red.

 

“She… um. Heh. Ya know how Hiashi always made us take Hanabi along on our dates? You know, so. So…”

 

“So you wouldn’t fuck his daughter?” Sasuke had supplied helpfully.

 

“Aw, shit, Sasuke, don’t say ‘fuck’ when you’re talking about Hinata!” Naruto’s horrified proscription had made Sasuke laugh harder than he had ever laughed in his life.

 

“Shut up, you bastard,” Naruto had continued. “She got out of bringing Hanabi along somehow, and we ended up back here… And she wanted to do stuff, Sasuke.” Naruto’s voice was choked and whispery, as if the very thought of Hinata “doing stuff” was forbidden.

 

“You were engaged to her, dobe. Didn’t you want to ‘do stuff’ with her at some point?” Sasuke had jibed, secretly happy that Naruto didn’t find the idea appealing.

 

“She just… she took off her clothes, and she was wearing this lacy, fancy underwear, and she was kissing me, but I hated it,” Naruto said. “I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to hate it, right? But… but… she was so… _squishy._ It… I mean...”

 

Sasuke had laughed again at his friend’s discomfort. “I’m pretty sure that it’s this _squishy_ quality you mention that makes 90 percent of your male friends lose their damned minds around her, Naruto. Are you seriously telling me that you could not even make out with your fiancee because she dared to have tits and ass?”

 

Naruto laughed at first, and then he started weeping. Sasuke had lain there, stiff and terrified, with no idea how to comfort his friend or even what he was supposed to be comforting him about. _I’m sorry your fiancee was too squishy_ did not sound right, even in his drunken state.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto had sniffled, “I don’t think I like tits. Or ass. I mean, I don’t think I like girls’ asses. _What the fuck is wrong with me?”_

 

It was only then that Sasuke began to perceive the nature of his friend’s crisis. Naruto had been shunned and looked down upon right up until he finished high school; Sasuke could well imagine how terrifying it would be for him to consider that he might have yet another reason to be excluded.

 

Sasuke had reached out and laid his hand over Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto had burrowed into Sasuke’s side, then, sniffling and weeping, and Sasuke had allowed him to. They had gone to sleep that way, on the floor, and though Sasuke’s stiff muscles had protested the next morning, he had no regrets. Naruto was his best friend, the only one who had ever seen Sasuke for who he was, and Sasuke was not going to allow him to be alone ever again.

 

Somehow, over the rest of the semester, Naruto had blossomed. Untethered to Konoha and its rigid mindset, he could freely express himself, and the person that shined forth had instantly attracted everyone. It had therefore been inevitable, Sasuke thought somewhat bitterly, that Naruto would have ended up with someone, sooner or later. He had ended up with Gaara, as it happened, the next semester. The memory of walking in on them, _in flagrante delicto_ , still nauseated and angered him for some reason.

 

Naruto had been so thrilled to be in an affectionate relationship with someone. He had been so eager for Sasuke to share in his joy, but it had been impossible. Sasuke could not like Gaara, no matter how many times Naruto had exhorted him, “He’s just like us, Sasuke!”

 

To Sasuke, there was not and never could be anyone just like Naruto.

 

Gaara and Naruto had eventually broken it off, to Sasuke’s relief. He had, once again, allowed Naruto to cry quite literally on his shoulder, feeling like a monster the entire time. He should not have been relieved that Gaara, who was a few years older and far more jaded than Naruto, had wanted more than Naruto had been prepared to give. He should have hurt more for his friend over the loss of his first love. Instead, he had been relieved that it was just the two of them once again.

 

To his horror, he discovered that there were far worse things than Gaara. Things like the other male who currently sat in his and Naruto’s living room, his eyes poring over Naruto like he was prime sirloin. Things like that ridiculous crop top he insisted upon wearing and the pants that rode so low upon his hips that they barely concealed his pubis.

 

Sasuke had hated Sai from the very first time they had met. The only genuine emotion he seemed capable of was constant arousal. When Naruto had dated him their sophomore year, their dorm had been full of paintings of Naruto—naked. Naruto always laughed when Sai asked Sasuke probing questions about whether he and Naruto ever got naked together. He had found his constant “jokes” about a threesome downright hilarious. Sasuke did not see the humor in any of it.

 

Eventually, Sai, too, had wanted more commitment than Naruto was capable of providing, and thankfully, blessedly, they had broken up. Naruto’s subsequent affairs were less serious. He had lamented to Sasuke that he did not believe he could be monogamous, and for some reason, that had soothed something within Sasuke.

 

Naruto’s hook-ups just became a fact of life that they maneuvered around, providing the impetus for Sasuke to rent an apartment for the two of them so that they could have separate sleeping quarters. Despite the awkward breakfasts with strange men and the post-game analyses that Naruto always seemed eager to share with Sasuke, no one had come close to annoying him as much as Gaara and Sai had.

 

The only problem, as far as Sasuke was concerned, was the fact that Naruto never discarded anyone. Hence, the aforementioned menaces of Sasuke’s dorm years were currently holding court in his living room, drinking and laughing with Naruto.

 

“I must say, this would be the perfect time for an orgy,” Sai said, his stupid, fake smile belying the sordid nature of his thoughts.

 

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but Naruto and Gaara laughed. “That’s your solution to everything, Sai!” Naruto said. “You need a hobby.” Sai opened his mouth to protest. “A hobby that doesn’t involve photographing or painting naked men, Sai!” Naruto preempted.

 

Sai’s smile this time was genuine, but thoroughly lascivious. “I think I’ve painted everyone in this room,” he said.

 

“Tch.” Sasuke took a long drink. “You haven’t painted me, and you aren’t going to.”

 

“Oh, I’ve painted you, Sasuke,” Sai said with a smirk.

 

Sasuke glared at him. “Not with my permission, you didn’t.”

 

“Who needs permission when you have imagination?” Sai said with a wink.

 

“If you have painted me the same way you painted Naruto, I swear I will kill you,” Sasuke said venomously. He meant it. It would be a relief to have a valid reason to kill Sai.

 

Sai looked at him as if he were amused. “Why is it, Naruto, that everyone says my expressions are weird? Even you. But Sasuke only ever looks like he’s pissed off. That’s his only facial expression,” he mused. “Why don’t you ever say anything about that?”

 

Sasuke gripped his drink, imagining breaking the glass over Sai’s head and watching his smug face contort with pain.

 

“Sai, you’re an idiot. Sasuke has a lot more expressions than ‘pissed off,’ you just have to know how to read them,” Naruto said. Sasuke relaxed his grip on his drink and took another sip, somewhat mollified.

 

“Why are you even here, Sai?” Gaara asked sarcastically. “I saw the way you were looking at our waiter. I thought you’d be in an alley or a motel somewhere by now.”

 

“I should be,” Sai said thoughtfully. “He really was quite delectable.”

 

Gaara caught Sasuke’s eyes and smirked. Sasuke appreciated that someone could deflect Sai’s attention from him.

 

“Fuck, Sai, I don’t know why I go out to eat with you. I swear you look at the staff the way some people look at the menu,” Naruto said.

 

“Please. Like you would have chosen sushi over having a nice, thick cock in your mouth,” Sai said.

 

Sasuke choked on his drink, spraying it over his hand. Gaara chuckled at his reaction while Naruto grinned and shook his head.

 

“See, Sai? Not everybody is as deprived as you,” Naruto said.

 

“I think you mean ‘depraved,’” Sai corrected. “Although I guess deprived works just as well. I’ve been deprived of good cock for far too long.”

 

“How long has it been, now, three whole days?” Gaara said with mock pity.

 

“Too long,” Sai retorted. “That’s all you need to know.”

 

“Sai, we know far more about you than we need to,” Naruto interjected.

 

“Please. As if we haven’t all had each other’s dicks in our mouths at one time or another,” Sai said.

 

Sasuke felt his face pinch with disgust. The topic was meandering into territory he was not interested in traversing.

 

“Hey, you haven’t gone down on Sasuke, so shut up,” Naruto said. He immediately blushed and shot Sasuke an apologetic look.

 

“It hasn’t been for want of trying,” Sai said. “That’s actually a good idea. Sasuke, you want to judge us on our oral sex skills?”

 

Sasuke’s jaw dropped open. He stared at Sai, speechless.

 

“Sai, what the fuck is wrong with you? Leave Sasuke alone,” Naruto said irritably. He threw a pillow at Sai’s head.

 

“That’s… so gross,” Sasuke said.

 

Naruto looked at him, a mixture of emotions in his eyes. “What do you mean, Sasuke?” he asked quietly.

 

“How can you stand to put another man’s… _genitals_ in your mouth?” he answered. He could hear his words slurring.

 

“You have genitals, Sasuke,” Gaara said. “Do you find them repulsive?”

 

“Yes,” Sasuke answered frankly. “We urinate out of there.”

 

All three men looked at him in shock.

 

“Well, that’s kinda what soap and water are for, bastard,” Naruto said. “I mean, you dated Sakura. Did you feel that way about her?”

 

Sasuke wrinkled up his nose in distaste. The memory of his experimental dating days with Sakura brought him nothing but disgust.

 

“OK, so that was a little personal,” Naruto amended. “But like, if I were into girls...”

 

“You mean if they weren’t so horribly _squishy,”_ Sasuke prodded.

 

Naruto shot him a glare and continued. “If I were into girls and were dating one I was into, I think I’d probably have my face all up in her business any time she’d let me. So what’s wrong with male genitals?”

 

Sai let out a chirpy giggle. “Judging by the look on Sasuke’s face, I don’t think he was ever ‘up in Sakura’s business,’” he said.

 

Gaara looked at him sympathetically. “Not everyone enjoys sex,” he said evenly. “Sasuke doesn’t have to answer to us.”

 

“Yeah, but he’s gonna make us answer to him?” Naruto said loudly. “What’s with that, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke was flooded with embarrassment. He realized how judgmental he had sounded. He had promised Naruto that he would never look down on him for his sex life, and he had just criticised his sexual practices in front of his friends.

 

“It was an honest question,” Gaara said. “And probably asked with the aid of alcohol.” He yawned. “Why don’t I take you home, Sai? Everyone has to go to class or work tomorrow morning, and you’re too drunk to drive.”

 

“Are you offering to take me home, or to _take me home?_ ” Sai asked suggestively.

 

Gaara stood and took his jacket off the back of the chair. “I am offering to take you some place where I don’t have to listen to you anymore,” he snipped. “Come on. We’ve imposed on Sasuke and Naruto enough.”

 

“OK,” Sai answered cheerfully. “But just remember, Sasuke, 99.9999 infinity percent of men would suck their own dicks if they could. And the tiny one one-millionth of a percent of men who are exceptions already can.”

 

“That’s enough, Sai,” Gaara said, herding him towards the door.

 

“Thanks for coming over, guys,” Naruto said. “Let’s hang out again once midterms are over, OK?”

“Sure thing,” Gaara said. “Let’s go, Sai.”

 

Sasuke glared as Sai lingered over a goodbye hug with Naruto. The idea of them doing… _that_ together made him want to throw up.

 

When they were finally gone and the door was closed behind them, Naruto turned on him. “Sasuke, what was that about? Why did you say that?” he demanded.

 

Sasuke looked down at his feet. “I don’t know. Sorry.”

 

“That’s not enough, Sasuke,” Naruto said. “You told me before you didn’t have a problem with my sexuality. But it sounds a lot like you do.”

 

Sasuke looked up at him defiantly. “I meant it. I mean, I don’t care what you do, but do you really like that? I understand maybe enjoying getting oral sex, but how can you enjoy performing it?”

 

Naruto sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Did you feel the same way about going down on Sakura?”

 

Sasuke’s face burned. “I never...”

 

Naruto’s eyes grew large. “Never, Sasuke? Weren’t you curious?”

 

“No,” Sasuke said confidently. “And honestly, the one time she did that for me, it wasn’t that great.”

 

“What, was she toothy?” Naruto asked, fascinated. He seemed to have forgotten his irritation.

 

“No...” Sasuke said, “it was just…” His stomach turned at the memory. Like everything else about their relationship, it had been Sakura’s idea, and it had been another opportunity for her to perform for him. He had hated every part of it, from the way his dick had responded to the stimulation to the way she had kept looking up at him expectantly. It had been unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.

 

“How can you be friends with those guys?” Sasuke blurted out suddenly. “How can you look at them knowing that they’ve had your penis in their mouths?”

 

Naruto looked taken aback. “Do you really hate sex that much, Sasuke?” he asked. “They’re my friends, even if they were boyfriends at another time. You don’t just abandon people because they gave you a blow job. That’s kind of a shitty thing to do.”

 

Sasuke’s flush deepened. He had done that precise thing with Sakura. He could not respond to her sexually, and that had finally served to push her away. He had not been able to look at her after that without imagining the awful, expectant faces she had made when she had attempted to pleasure him. She had been so humiliated that she had transferred to another college. Sasuke could not find it within him to care; she should not have chased him down to the state college when everyone knew she had a scholarship to an excellent pre-med program on the opposite side of the country.

 

“Hey, Sasuke, what happened with you and Sakura?” Naruto asked softly.

 

“I guess I never saw the appeal,” he said. “Of any of it. I mean, I suppose with you, there’s a balance. Someone does something to please you, and you do something to please them. I just never could get into any of it with Sakura.”

 

“Whoa, Sasuke. That’s a lot of shit to unpack right there,” Naruto said. “Just because you couldn’t get into it with Sakura doesn’t mean there’s something gross or disgusting about performing oral sex on somebody. That’s number one. OK? Like, you remember how upset I was that I couldn’t get it up for Hinata, and it turned out I was just gay.”

 

“I’m not gay, Naruto,” Sasuke said tiredly.

 

“I didn’t say you were. Maybe you’re asexual. Fine. That still doesn’t make sex disgusting, it just makes it not your preference. That’s a disturbing fucking thought, Sasuke. You have a penis. Does it repulse you that much?” Naruto asked. “I mean, this sounds like some puritanical bullshit, and you’re always super rational about everything. It doesn’t fit.”

 

Sasuke said nothing as he considered Naruto’s words.

 

Naruto went on. “And that’s just to start with. What is this ‘balance’ bullshit? Is that how you see sex? As a transaction between two people? Like an even trade? Because that’s fucked up, too.”

 

“Isn’t that what it is?” Sasuke asked peevishly. “People talk all the time about how relationships are a sacrifice. I thought that’s what it was all about.”

 

“Maybe in the heteronormative world we grew up in, where every woman is supposed to trade everything she’s ever wanted in life for an apron and some obligatory sex when she gets married,” Naruto said. “There’s more to life than that world, though, Sasuke, and I’m personally glad I left it behind.”

 

“So… you actually like performing oral sex on a guy?” Sasuke asked.

 

“Uh… yeah?” Naruto said defensively. “I don’t look at it as “performing,” Sasuke. It’s something I can give someone because it makes me happy.”

 

“So it just makes you happy that they’re happy?” Sasuke asked, still confused.

 

“No. I mean, I genuinely enjoy it. If it’s someone I like, even if it’s not someone I’m going to be in a relationship with, it’s exciting to be that intimate with someone. It’s kinda more intimate than just sex, you know? You get to taste them and smell them, hear how they respond, find out how they’re different from everyone else and find out what it is that makes them lose it. It’s exciting.”

 

Sasuke had not expected this answer. Heat suffused his face. His stomach turned over at the thought of really knowing someone that intimately.

 

“Does that explain it, Sasuke?” Naruto asked, peering at him quizzically.

 

“Yes, Naruto, thank you. I wasn’t judging you…”

 

Naruto interrupted him. “I think I get it, Sasuke, don’t worry. It was an honest question, just like Gaara said.” He yawned and stretched. “I have a long day tomorrow. I’d better go to bed.” He rose to leave.

 

“And Sasuke?” he said, as he turned to leave, “You can ask me anything if you’re curious, you know?”

 

Sasuke nodded and looked down. He had more to think about, but he wanted to think alone. Despite his relative inebriation, sleep took its time reaching him.


	2. Just a Friendly Spar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come hell or high water, Sasuke and Naruto always spar on Monday nights.

 

Sasuke had barely made it through the day, he was so exhausted. He could easily have gone to bed immediately after his last class in the afternoon, but he’d promised Naruto that they’d do their usual Monday night spar in the dojo where Naruto worked. Naruto had impressed his boss immediately, just as he did most people, and as a result, he had a key to the dojo and an invitation to use it at his leisure. For the past three years, come hell or high water, he and Sasuke had been faithful to their Monday night routine.

 

Sasuke arrived early. Naruto sometimes struggled to get out of lab exactly on time, and while it usually was not problem, tonight, Sasuke really wanted to go home. He waited impatiently. Yet when he saw Naruto jogging towards him, he suddenly wished he had had more time to prepare himself.

 

His conversation with Naruto had stayed with him all day, plaguing his thoughts and giving him ideas about his friend that he really should not have. Seeing him pink-faced and breathless with his hair in its usual, wild disarray was too much of a shock to his system.

 

His throat felt tight and his palms were sticky with perspiration. This was not a good way to spar.

 

“Oi, sorry I’m late!” Naruto said. He put his hands on Sasuke’s shoulders as he leaned over to catch his breath.

 

He had touched Sasuke like this many times before, but tonight, his proximity made Sasuke uncomfortable. He wondered if Naruto would accept it if he pulled him into an embrace. He probably would, he liked hugs. Sasuke, who usually did not like hugs, thought he might enjoy it all together too much.

 

They entered the darkened dojo together, and for a moment, Sasuke pondered all the possibilities of being alone with someone in the dark. Someone who knew him, someone who cared for him…

 

He quickly snapped out of his reverie when Naruto switched on the lights. They stretched together, Naruto babbling about his struggles with chemistry and Sasuke listening indulgently.

 

Naruto bested him at every turn as they sparred. Sasuke’s reaction time was unusually slow, his balance off. They ended thirty minutes earlier than usual, with Naruto pinning him to the floor in surprise.

 

“Are you OK, Sasuke?” he asked. “You’re usually much more of a challenge.”

 

Sasuke looked up at him. His eyes were so clear and blue, so sincere. Sasuke ached at the thought that, one day, those eyes would no longer look at him that way. Naruto would eventually find the one person worth settling for, and Sasuke would lose the one person who had ever made him feel safe or accepted.

 

A lump formed in his throat. “Sasuke?” Naruto asked again. He released one of Sasuke’s wrists and placed his hand over his forehead. “Are you getting sick?”

 

The gesture seemed far more intimate to Sasuke than a simple check for fever. Naruto’s nearness affected his entire body. “Get off me, dobe,” he muttered, knocking Naruto aside.

 

He stood awkwardly and made towards the shower room. He was shocked when Naruto gripped his arm.

 

“You have an erection,” Naruto said simply.

 

Sasuke’s face burned with embarrassment. “Let go. I need a shower and I need to go home,” he muttered.

 

“It happens, Sasuke, I get erections every time we spar,” Naruto said. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

 

“It’s nothing to comment upon, either, idiot!” Sasuke barked.

 

Naruto chuckled. “I could help you out with it.”

 

“What the fuck, Naruto?” Sasuke hissed. “You don’t just say things like that to people.”

 

“You’re not just anybody, you’re my best friend,” Naruto said, as if it made perfect sense. “Besides, everyone should know what really good oral sex feels like.”

 

Sasuke grimaced. Naruto’s words were not helping him at all. His penis was standing almost fully erect, visible even through the baggy sweats and over sized tee shirt he wore.

 

“What the hell, Naruto?” he groaned. “That’s not just something you do to express your friendship.”

 

“Why not?” Naruto challenged. “It’s better than believing that your own body and its pleasure are disgusting. Or turning to someone who didn’t care about you at all.”

 

“How can you even offer such a thing?” Sasuke said, exasperated. Naruto still gripped his upper arm.

 

“You know, I think all people are basically good,” Naruto said.

 

“For fuck’s sake, Naruto, why are you talking about your philosophy at a time like this?”

 

“It’s easy,” Naruto said. “People are basically good. And they deserve to experience good oral sex at least once in their lives.”

 

“So you’re going to just offer blow jobs to the general public in exchange for world peace?” Sasuke snapped.

 

Naruto chuckled. He stood much closer to Sasuke, now; his breath was warm on Sasuke’s ear. “Not the general public, no, but to the most important person in my life, yes.” He spoke as if he were explaining something to a small child. Sasuke could hear the smile in his voice.

 

He bit his lip. Warmth had filled his chest when Naruto had said called him “the most important person in my life.”

 

“What do you get out of it?” he asked hoarsely.

 

“Ah, Sasuke, I get the pleasure of giving you something I think you’ll like. And I’ll get to see you in a way I haven’t before. What more could I want?”

 

Sasuke realized he had not bothered to move away from Naruto during their conversation. Naruto’s hand was now stroking his upper arm soothingly. His other hand ran through Sasuke’s hair. It felt nice, to be so close to someone. Why had he never felt this way when Sakura was close to him? For that matter, there had been plenty of boys who had come on to him, even in high school—a few of them rather forcefully. Why had it never felt as good as it did with Naruto?

 

“Can I, Sasuke?” Naruto murmured. Sasuke froze. Naruto did not remove his hands, nor did he make any further advances as he awaited Sasuke’s answer.

 

Sasuke’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He nodded dumbly. Only then did Naruto come closer. He massaged Sasuke’s shoulders and kissed his cheek.

 

“What are you doing?” Sasuke croaked.

 

“You’re tense. I want you to feel relaxed,” Naruto answered. “Does this feel OK, Sasuke? Is it all right to touch you like this?”

 

It felt so much more than OK. Sasuke nodded again.

 

“If anything feels wrong to you, at any point, I want you to tell me. Will you do that for me, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke nodded again. Naruto’s admonition had added to his arousal for some reason.

 

“Do you promise, Sasuke? If you feel like this is wrong at any time, do you promise to tell me so I can stop?”

 

“I promise,” he said thickly.

 

One of Naruto’s arms encircled his waist. Then, his hand laid over Sasuke’s cock. Sasuke bit his lip. It felt so good he almost cried out.

 

“Is this OK? Can I touch you here?” Naruto asked again.

 

“Yes, Naruto,” Sasuke said impatiently. “You don’t have to ask.”

 

“I do have to,” Naruto said. “You’ve had some unpleasant experiences before. I don’t want this to be another. There’s no obligation here, Sasuke. If you want me to stop, I’ll do it.”

 

“Don’t stop,” Sasuke whispered.

 

Naruto again kissed his cheek—in light of what they were doing, what they were about to do, it should have been jarringly demure. Instead, it struck Sasuke as incredibly intimate and tender. Naruto had been correct. The tension was ebbing out of his muscles, replaced with warmth.

 

His cock responded readily to Naruto’s light touches, throbbing beneath his hand and sending waves of pleasure washing over Sasuke.

 

Naruto placed his hand over the elastic of his trousers, just under the tail of his shirt. “May I?”

 

“Yes,” Sasuke breathed.

 

Naruto’s hand snaked down into his trousers, cupping him through his underwear. If being groped over his sweats had felt good, this felt amazing. His cock was throbbing and getting wetter by the second. He tried, and failed, to remember when being touched had felt this way.

 

“Could you lie down for me, Sasuke?” Naruto asked softly. His voice did not sound seductive or excited; he sounded as if he were just asking Sasuke how he took his tea instead of asking him if he could touch his cock. Something about that incongruity excited Sasuke even more.

 

He lay back on the mat they had just sparred on. Naruto knelt beside him, his hand resting over the bulge in his pants.

 

“Can I take your pants off?” Naruto asked.

 

“Yeah,” Sasuke said. He lifted his hips as Naruto slid the garment over them. A memory flashed through his mind of his mother carrying him to bed half-asleep and changing him into pajamas as a child. That sort of tenderness had been a rarity in his family. Then, of course, he had lost his family, and there had been no such tenderness in his life ever again.

 

Until he’d met Naruto.

 

Naruto frowned and touched his face. “Are you still doing OK? You look a little… I dunno, sad… lost...”

 

“I’m all right, Naruto. Please don’t stop,” Sasuke said.

 

Naruto smiled widely at him. “Just tell me, OK? Let me know everything. If it feels good, or if it feels bad, I want you to let me know.”

 

Sasuke nodded once.

 

Naruto palmed his balls gently through his underwear. Sasuke’s hips shot up involuntarily.

 

“Was that nice?” Naruto asked with a knowing chuckle.

 

“Uh-huh,” Sasuke panted.

 

Naruto spread his legs apart and knelt between them. Sasuke was completely unprepared when Naruto tongued his cock through his underwear.

 

“Ah, uhhh!” he gasped. He bit his lip in an effort to be quiet.

 

“Don’t bite your lip, Sasuke. I like to hear your voice. It lets me know how you’re doing,” Naruto said. His voice sounded different, now, lower, breathier. “You taste very good, even through your underwear.”

 

His words had an immediate effect on Sasuke’s cock. He was now painfully hard. It was a relief when Naruto lowered his underwear and freed his erection from the tight elastic.

“Your cock is really nice, Sasuke,” Naruto said appreciatively. Sasuke blushed.

 

Naruto tapped his finger over the slit and smeared the pre-come around, then wrapped his hand around the shaft. “Do you want me to shut up? I know I talk a lot,” he asked ruefully.

 

Sasuke shook his head. Every word that came out of Naruto’s mouth seemed to make the experience that much more intense, that much more surreal. Between his hand and his mouth, he had Sasuke completely at his mercy.

 

Naruto’s tongue slipped over the head of Sasuke’s cock with an audible slurp. He probed the slit with his tongue, driving Sasuke insane, then swirled it over the veiny underside. Sasuke struggled to breathe. He had never heard his own voice the way it sounded now, ragged and needy and completely out of control.

 

It turned out that this response was nothing in comparison to what happened when Naruto took him into his mouth. Sasuke’s vision blanked out. His hips thrust upwards of their own accord. He moaned in ecstasy.

 

Naruto sucked slowly and tortuously. He began sliding up and down, taking more and more of Sasuke into his mouth. Soon, Sasuke was sheathed in Naruto’s throat, the muscles clamping down around his turgid member.

 

Sasuke looked down to find Naruto staring up at him through half-lidded eyes. It was so thoroughly different from the performative blow-job Sakura had tried for; Naruto actually did look as if he enjoyed having Sasuke down his throat.

 

Sasuke realized that he was choking Naruto every time his hips jerked. He tried, and failed to control it. He felt selfish and brutish, but he could not stop, even when Naruto’s eyes teared up and saliva dripped out of his mouth.

 

Naruto moved up and down, fucking Sasuke with his lips and his throat. There were so many sensations.

 

Sasuke began to panic when his body broke out into a sweat and his testicles clamped tightly.

 

“Naruto…”

 

Naruto sucked faster and harder.

 

“Naruto, I’m gonna… oh… fuck!”

 

Sasuke screamed as Naruto coaxed his orgasm out of him. He sucked until Sasuke was completely dry.

He released the cock from his lips with a wet plop. Wiping off his mouth, he lay down alongside Sasuke.

 

“You all right?” he asked.

 

Sasuke opened his eyes and turned his face to Naruto. “Why’d you swallow, Naruto? You didn’t have to do that,” he said drunkenly.

“Yeah, I did that because I wanted to,” Naruto responded cheekily.

 

“It must taste horrible,” Sasuke said, wrinkling his nose. His body was still feeling aftershocks after the most explosive orgasm it had ever experienced.

 

“See for yourself,” Naruto said. Before Sasuke could register what he was doing, he had pressed his lips to Sasuke’s and thrust his tongue into his mouth.

 

Sasuke blinked in shock. Naruto’s tongue was in his mouth. Naruto’s tongue, with Sasuke’s semen on it. His best friend was kissing him after sucking him off.

 

He could taste faint remnants of his orgasm. It was bitter and odd, but not disgusting. More than simply “not disgusting,” it was incredibly arousing to taste himself in his friend’s mouth.

 

Sasuke pulled Naruto closer and explored his mouth with his tongue. For a moment, Naruto went absolutely still, and Sasuke feared he had gone too far. Then, Naruto’s tongue lazily slid over his. Sasuke sucked on his bottom lip and wondered why they had never thought to kiss each other before.

 

Naruto pulled away with a smack. His cheeks blazed red, and his eyes were large. “Where did you learn to kiss like that?”

 

Sasuke closed his eyes and pulled away.

 

“Don’t do that Sasuke,” Naruto said softly. Sasuke felt his fingers whisper over his cheek. “Don’t misinterpret what I said. That kiss was amazing.”

 

Sasuke opened his eyes and looked at Naruto. “You’re only the second person I’ve kissed,” he said. “I mean voluntarily.” He immediately regretted the slip.

 

Naruto looked stricken for a moment. “Was it a nice kiss for you, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke smiled. “Yeah. The best so far.”

 

Naruto grinned widely. “How was the blow job?”

 

“Amazing,” Sasuke said simply. He looked Naruto over. His eyes were dilated. A noticeable bulge in his pants signified that he had enjoyed giving Sasuke this experience every bit as much as he claimed to.

 

“You’re hard, Naruto,” Sasuke said.

 

“Uh, well, yeah, sucking you off and then kissing you that way would tend to do that,” Naruto said sarcastically.

 

Sasuke’s hands trembled as he thought over his next actions. Regardless of what Naruto said about sex not being transactional, it seemed wrong and selfish to not reciprocate in some manner.

 

“Naruto… can I?” Sasuke asked. His voice cracked.

 

“Sasuke, that’s not what this is about,” Naruto chided. “I really enjoyed getting you off. You don’t owe me anything for it.”

 

“What if I just want to?” Sasuke asked. “You tell me that it feels good for you to do that to another man. So what if I want to experience that for myself?”

 

Naruto blinked. “Sasuke...”

 

“I would like to, Naruto,” Sasuke said. “But I’m complete novice. It won’t be as good...”

 

Naruto gripped him by the shoulder. “Don’t say that. It’s not about competing, Sasuke. You should only do something like this if you really want to.”

 

“I do.” Strangely, he did.

 

“Can I kiss you again first?” Naruto asked. His eyes were wide and bright, almost childlike.

 

“Yeah,” Sasuke said, because what else could he say? It was surreal that his best friend had just blown him but felt that he had to ask permission to kiss him.

 

The kiss began softly. Naruto threaded his fingers through Sasuke’s hair as he gently pressed their lips together. Sasuke opened his mouth in invitation, and Naruto responded readily. Their tongues slid over each other sinuously, as if they were just leisurely exploring new territory together.

 

Sasuke shyly reached out and cupped Naruto’s erection. Naruto pulled away. “You sure about this, Sasuke?” he asked.

 

“Yes, idiot, I wouldn’t have offered if I weren’t,” Sasuke said irritably.

 

Naruto laughed. “I can’t imagine any other person calling me an idiot in this situation,” he said.

 

Sasuke scowled.

 

“I love it,” Naruto said fondly. “I know you’re you that way.”

 

“Who the fuck else would I be?” Sasuke scoffed.

 

“I dunno, the guy that was talking about how gross it was to get a blow job just last night,” Naruto said. “The guy that might take over if you dissociated.”

 

“Tch.” Sasuke explored the outline of Naruto’s dick with his fingertips. It was odd to touch someone else this way, to be so curious about another. He supposed this was one more way in which Naruto was unique among humanity—the one person whose genitals did not absolutely disgust him.

 

He slipped his hand down the front of Naruto’s pants. His penis was large, at least by Sasuke’s estimation, both in length and girth. His underwear was soaked with pre-come, and Sasuke felt a twinge of pride at having excited Naruto so thoroughly.

 

Naruto quietly studied him as he explored, occasionally catching his breath or hissing in surprise when Sasuke brushed an especially sensitive area. Sasuke understood what Naruto had said about how exciting it could be to hear someone respond.

 

“Can I take off your pants?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, if you want,” Naruto answered. His voice was husky with arousal.

 

“I want,” Sasuke said. He tugged Naruto’s pants down far more harshly than the blond had done with him.

 

The vision of Naruto lying on the mat, his pants down and his blue eyes shining, would haunt Sasuke for the rest of his life, he was certain. He had never seen anything so erotic.

 

Naruto’s cock was even larger than he had guessed, and whereas Sasuke’s was a pale pink, Naruto’s was a ruddy color.

 

“You’re uncircumcised,” Sasuke noted.

 

“Yeah,” Naruto said. “Is that OK?”

 

Sasuke snorted. “You going to get cut if I say it’s not?”

 

Naruto laughed. “No. But I hope it’s OK.”

 

Sasuke reached out and touched Naruto’s foreskin experimentally. “It’s fine. Does it feel nice when I touch it?”

 

“Yeah,” Naruto breathed. “It feels really nice.”

 

Sasuke was about to slide it back so he could see more of the glans, but another notion arrested him. He leaned down and licked the tip of Naruto’s penis, then pried his tongue under his foreskin.

 

“Shit, Sasuke!” Naruto cried out.

 

“Did I hurt you?” Sasuke asked, concerned.

 

“Nah,” Naruto laughed. “It felt good.”

 

Sasuke looked up at him. “What do I do?”

 

Naruto’s eyes darkened with lust. “Just… whatever you want. Explore. Don’t do anything that makes you feel gross.”

 

Taking Naruto’s words to heart, Sasuke bent once more and investigated. He swirled his tongue over the tip, tasting the slightly salty tang of Naruto’s pre-ejaculate. He fluttered his tongue over the shaft, looking for Naruto’s secret sensitive spots.

 

He experimented with licking over Naruto’s balls, which earned him a high-pitched whine. Emboldened, he sucked one into his mouth.

 

“Sasuke...” Naruto moaned. His cock was steadily leaking, now, and ramrod straight. Although Naruto had given Sasuke permission to explore, he imagined that his friend must be reaching his limit.

 

He tried to take Naruto into his throat the way he had done for Sasuke, but he gagged each time. Naruto placed his hand on his head.

 

“Stop, Sasuke. You don’t get rid of a gag reflex immediately. Some people never do. This isn’t about you reciprocating, remember? Just do what you can.”

 

Naruto’s concern was both endearing and frustrating. “Tell me what to do,” Sasuke said. “Tell me what to do to make it feel good for you. Your erection must be almost painful at this stage.”

 

“God, Sasuke, why do you have to be so...” Naruto sighed and slapped his hand against the floor. “Why do you have to care so much?”

 

“Because you’re my best friend,” Sasuke said simply. There was no other explanation. Sakura had never evoked these feelings in him before. He did not want Naruto to hurt. He wanted him to feel at least some of the pleasure he had given to him.

 

Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hands. For a moment, Sasuke was afraid he had done or said something wrong.

 

“Just… uhm… you don’t have to take it all the way down. Whatever you can do is fine. If you want, you can use your hand at the base and your mouth for the rest. Just… shit, Sasuke, I feel like such an asshole...”

 

“Moron. You haven’t been an asshole at all. I liked exploring, but we reach a limit. So let me please you,” Sasuke scolded. Naruto still looked as if he felt guilty. “It would make me happy if I could please you, Naruto.”

 

Naruto nodded. Sasuke gripped the base of his cock with his hand, then engulfed the rest in his mouth.

He sucked and slid his mouth up and down the topmost portion of Naruto’s length. When he’d established a rhythm that Naruto seemed to like, he complemented it by moving his hand.

 

Nothing about this seemed disgusting or repellent to him. He actually loved the way Naruto felt against his tongue. He would not compare the taste to ambrosia, but it was earthy and sensual, and because it belonged to Naruto, it was intoxicating.

 

When Naruto’s hips began to shudder, he increased the speed of both his hand and his mouth. Against his chin, he could feel Naruto’s testicles tighten up.

 

“Gonna come, Sasuke,” Naruto ground out in warning. He gripped Sasuke’s head to pull him away, but Sasuke resisted. Naruto’s sperm coated the inside of his mouth, warm and viscous. Sasuke swallowed it down and wiped off his mouth where some of it had dribbled out. He stretched out beside Naruto and studied him as he came down from his climax.

 

Naruto turned to look at him. “Shit, Sasuke, that was good,” he mumbled.

 

Sasuke grinned at him. He wasn’t ready for this to be over just yet.

 

He leaned in close to Naruto, pulling him in with his arm, and thrust his tongue into his mouth. They kissed languidly for several minutes before Naruto pulled away and rested his forehead against Sasuke’s.

 

“Are you all right with this, Sasuke?” he asked drowsily.

 

“I’m terrible with it,” Sasuke intoned. “Disgusted and appalled. Horrified. That’s why I kissed you. You idiot, of course I’m all right with it.”

 

Naruto laughed and kicked him playfully. “Please don’t ever stop calling me ‘idiot,’ Sasuke,” he said. “So. What was it like for you?”

 

Sasuke thought about it. “I liked it a lot. But I don’t think I could do it with anyone else,” he said after a while. “I mean, you’re my friend. I know you and… it’s just different. I don’t think I could ever take Sai up on any of his offers.”

 

Naruto’s laughter was bark-like. “Did you like giving or receiving better?”

 

“I liked both,” he replied. “You made me feel so good, it was easy to want to make you feel good, too. And I liked how you tasted and how you felt.”

 

Sasuke’s face heated up. He had not meant to admit so much to Naruto. Still, though, he was talking to Naruto, the person he trusted most in the world.

 

Naruto put his hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. “There’s nothing about you that’s disgusting or dirty, Sasuke,” he said softly. “There’s nothing I could do with you that would make me feel gross. I guess that’s what I wanted you to know.”

 

Sasuke rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. Naruto had always had a way of saying things that laid Sasuke open and made him feel vulnerable. He felt the pinch of darkness, though, when he realized that Naruto considered Sai and Gaara the same way. It was not enough to be equal to them. He wanted more. He wanted to mean more to Naruto than anyone else.

 

He recognized the futility of his emotions. He and Naruto were friends; they weren’t in love. If Sasuke were to fall in love with Naruto, he would have to accept that he was not cut out for monogamy. Sasuke could hardly bear for Naruto to share his friendship so freely, as it was; seeing him as a lover when he knew he’d be out with someone new every two weeks would destroy Sasuke, he was certain.

 

He stood hastily and made for the showers. He would think better when his mind wasn’t so hazed over by the neurochemicals produced by his and Naruto’s experimentation. He heard Naruto stand and follow behind him.

 

Naruto chattered away amiably in the showers. Sasuke only half listened; to him, it was enough to hear Naruto’s voice. It had always soothed him and made him feel at home. He tried not to look at Naruto too much. His eyes had been opened to how attractive his best friend was, but he found the idea of ogling him the way Sai did repugnant. It was a relief to towel off and dress.

 

At home that night, they ate a quick meal together before retiring relatively early. Sasuke collapsed onto his bed, utterly spent. Memories of Naruto in the dojo spooled through his mind pleasantly as he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it actually looks as if this will be four chapters long instead of three. What do you think will happen next? Do things remain friendly with the occasional oral sex session for stress relief? Will friendship become something more? And if so, how is Sasuke going to deal with Naruto's seeming inability to be monogamous?


	3. Screwdrivers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke has some time to reflect. More time than is actually safe for his health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning--this is angstier than I had intended. I have a lot of feels for Sasuke right now, and I guess they came out. There is oblique mention of sexual abuse and unwanted sexual encounters. I haven't described anything explicitly. But it exists.

The days following the “dojo incident,” as Sasuke termed it in his mind, were no different than any other day in his and Naruto’s apartment. They chatted, they bickered over small messes, they ate together and shopped for groceries. It was a relief to Sasuke to know that he and Naruto had not crossed—or worse, burned—some sort of bridge between them.

 

At least, at first it was. Sasuke had mentally kicked himself multiple times for letting his curiosity get the better of him. He could easily have endangered his closest friendship. If he were being completely honest, he considered Naruto his only friend.

 

He had Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo, of course. He knew that they would stand beside him without question. Yet Naruto had seen Sasuke at his very worst, and had never flinched. There had been the years in high school when Sasuke had worked hard to push Naruto away, but he always came back even more determined.

 

Naruto was not just someone to use for experimentation. The fact that he would even extend such an invitation to Sasuke demonstrated his inherent generosity, a generosity that Sasuke well knew he had abused in the past. He did not like the part of himself that took what Naruto offered so easily.

 

He had tried, in their years of friendship, to be generous to Naruto in his own way. He did not mock Naruto’s friends the way he longed to. He had swallowed away the inexplicable rage that had filled him upon discovering him entwined with Gaara. He had endured Sai without physically harming him. And, when he realized that Naruto’s sexuality was an integral part of him, a part of life he enjoyed openly, he had decided that he did not want to make him feel awkward about it.

 

He had therefore unilaterally decided, at the beginning of the current school year, to find an apartment for the two of them so that Naruto would not have to worry about privacy. Or rent—Sasuke knew how difficult things were for Naruto, no matter how hard he seemed to work. It was a small thing to do for him, something that someone should have done long before, instead of allowing Naruto to basically raise himself on his parents’ death stipends.

 

Sometimes, though, Sasuke wondered if he did these things for Naruto or for himself. Perhaps, he had only done these things to stay in Naruto’s orbit as long as he could. One day, after all, Naruto would be making plenty of money and would not need a roommate. Sasuke did not even want to consider the other possibility, that Naruto would discover someone in his sexual explorations who meant more than sex—and then Sasuke would have to learn, for the first time, how it felt to not be the most important person in Naruto’s life.

 

The thought presented itself to him more and more often lately. He had never known what it was like to live without Naruto’s relentless focus upon him. He did not want to know. Naruto made it easy for Sasuke to simply exist with no expectations other than friendship. He was the only person Sasuke felt free with, the only person he would deign to drink with. The inexorable pull of the future made his gut twist painfully.

 

The twisted feeling had abated somewhat since their experiment. If their friendship could be sustained after Sasuke’s inexpert sexual fumbling, then he supposed he had nothing to worry about for the time being.

 

After a few days, though, the normality began to seem forced to Sasuke. He secretly hoped that Naruto would initiate some sort of physical contact with him again—not necessarily a repeat of Monday night, but at least a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Naruto did no such thing, though, and Sasuke began to perceive a sort of rehearsed, forced air when Naruto was around him.

 

He laughed a bit too loudly. He was a bit too understanding when Sasuke chided him about the dishes in the sink or the pile of shoes by the door. Worse than that, as the week drew to a close, Naruto seemed to start evading him politely. He was frequently gone by the time Sasuke got up in the morning, a rarity given Naruto’s night-owl tendencies and his aversion to early mornings.

 

Sai and Gaara had both been over, too, which was unusual for week nights. Sasuke only saw them briefly, as they came to whisk Naruto off to some social function or another. Sai was his usual, annoying self—nothing new, there—but Gaara’s ghostly teal eyes had peered at him even more intently than usual, making him feel exposed and wrong-footed.

 

By the end of the week, Sasuke had begun to evade Naruto just to avoid the feeling of being ditched. Naruto had basically said their interlude at the dojo was just a friendly gesture, an experiment with no strings attached. A mere blow-job between friends.

 

Sasuke was learning, though, that he had wanted it to mean more. He wanted Naruto to at least think about it, or give him some sort of sign that things were all right between them. He did not want it to be some sort of delayed adolescent experimentation. He wanted to experience it again—that, and more. He wanted to find out what made Naruto lose his mind.

 

And he… he wanted to feel close to someone else again. His family had never been physically demonstrative. Sasuke had felt, when his family were still alive, that he was perpetually chasing after their acknowledgment. When they were gone, no one stepped into the void. No one hugged Sasuke, or patted him on the back, certainly, never kissed him. At least, no one had until…

 

Sasuke shivered as he recalled his delinquent years. Orochimaru had never been shy about expressing his appreciation for Sasuke’s form. His eyes had slithered over Sasuke’s teenage body possessively. Orochimaru had been the first person to ever prefer Sasuke to Itachi, but the novelty quickly wore off when he realized the cost of that preference. Orochimaru’s touches had always stayed just over the border from indecent, as had his comments and his stares. The monthly check-ups required of everyone in Orochimaru’s home had stressed Sasuke out until he had begun to dissociate…

 

Naruto had figured that out, hadn’t he? He had even used the word, last night— _The guy that might take over if you dissociated,_ he had said. It was unsettling to Sasuke how much Naruto seemed to know or intuit about him.

 

_You’ve had some unpleasant experiences before._

 

Sasuke wondered if he had guessed about the others, the other boys in the home who had taught him to sleep lightly. Sasuke would never suggest that the experiences had traumatized him. He had always been able to fend them off. The bizarre fascination his body seemed to hold for such people perplexed and disturbed him. He did not understand feeling entitled to someone else’ body. He had learned rather quickly to despise the touches he had craved in his childhood.

 

Many people interpreted his reserve as arrogance. Some of Naruto’s friends joked about him being “prissy” or having a “stick up his ass.” This, too, angered Sasuke, as if he were inappropriate for having boundaries. How dare he not give something up in return for being attractive to others?

 

He had relaxed his boundaries briefly, mostly at Kakashi’s behest; “All Sakura has ever done is try to love you, Sasuke,” he had said. “Would having someone who cared about you be that terrible?”

 

“It could be nice for you,” he had continued, “to experience a loving relationship.”

 

Kakashi did not understand, though. Sasuke had experienced a loving relationship. His brother had loved him, in his own warped, traumatized way. That counted for something, even if it was damaging. More importantly, Naruto loved him. He knew this in his core. Naruto sacrificed so much for Sasuke that it would be unthinkable to believe otherwise. Why he had given into Sakura’s inept flirtations and Kakashi’s (well-intentioned, surely) advice, he would never know.

 

Truthfully, being with Sakura should not have sickened him as much as it had. He could rationally point out a hundred different things that made their attempt at a relationship ill-advised, though. There was the fact that the confident, intelligent, competent person she innately was fell away whenever Sasuke so much as looked at her. There was the fact that she had given up exceptional opportunities to pursue her own interests just to be close to him.

 

He had gradually learned to hate her for this. Her efforts at seduction had actually sickened him far more than Orochimaru’s lecherous comments or the unwanted kisses from the boys at the home. They, at least, were openly using Sasuke. Sakura was using him, too, but she expected something in return for it. The way she had stared up at him as she went down on him made him rage—as if he were supposed to perform, just as she was performing, to go along with her pretense so that her misguided ego could go home happy.

 

Kakashi’s baleful stares after Sakura transferred only angered him more. Kakashi, too, he reasoned, had been using him; if he could make his students’ lives fall in line, he could absolve himself of his failures as a leader. Moreover, he did not believe that his interest in Sakura was entirely platonic, and forcing him into a relationship with her was a good way to sublimate a desire he felt he had no right to. Sasuke sincerely hoped that Kakashi and Sakura would find each other again; they deserved each other. They could bitch about how cold and damaged Sasuke was by the light of a fire and Kakashi could “comfort” her to his heart’s content.

 

The thought made Sasuke snort. He had got over his anger at the hypocrisy in their circle. Sasuke owed everybody, it seemed, including Sakura, just because they found him appealing. Naruto had been the only person who had ever suggested anything different.

 

And now, because Sasuke had gone against his better judgment, his one and only friend was slipping away from him.

 

It was hard not wonder if he’d done something wrong. Had he embarrassed Naruto, or disappointed him?

 

_Left a bad taste in his mouth?_

 

He laughed darkly at his own joke. Worse than wondering if he had done something wrong was wondering if Naruto preferred Sai and Gaara to him. He never had, before. Even when he had dated those guys, he had always made time for Sasuke. Perhaps Naruto had seen just how much better sex was with them than it could be with Sasuke.

 

Perhaps, he was just being friendly with them, the same way that he had been with Sasuke in the dojo. The thought made him want to collapse into himself. He wanted to hunt down Gaara and Sai—especially Sai, the fucker—and beat them senseless.

 

By the time the weekend wound down, Sasuke was in a bad state. He had spent most of the weekend at the library, studying and avoiding the question of whether Naruto was going to be there or not. When he was forced to come home, he drank just enough to make himself sleepy and went to bed. This was a wholly new level of torture for Sasuke.

 

He had taken refuge in the fact that Monday awaited. It was the one constant—he and Naruto sparred no matter what. He could hardly contain his excitement as he changed his clothes after class. He jogged towards the dojo eagerly.

 

His phone buzzed just as he reached the dojo. Naruto had texted.

 

_can’t make it 2nite sry. Next week?_

 

Sasuke blinked. Naruto had never canceled their Monday spar.

 

 _He must really be avoiding me,_ Sasuke thought bitterly. He supposed this was the beginning of the end.

 

 _Yeah sure,_ he texted back. Something told him, though, that if Naruto were not here tonight, he wouldn’t be there next Monday, either.

 

He trudged home forlornly. The apartment was dark and all too quiet without Naruto rambling about his day and rehashing their fights. Sasuke looked around. He supposed he would have to get accustomed to this. He sighed and pulled a bottle of vodka from the back of a cabinet. It had been a housewarming present from one of Naruto’s friends. Sasuke generally preferred other beverages, but it would have to do for now.

 

He rummaged in the refrigerator until he found a half-empty carton of orange juice. He poured a generous measure of vodka into the carton. He sat on the couch and drank, not bothering with the formality of a glass. He had not considered that Naruto would slip away from him this soon. He was not prepared for how much it hurt.

 

The somnolence that came over him as he drank was comforting. He stowed the orange juice back in the fridge and lumbered to his room, falling asleep almost as soon as his back touched the mattress.

 

He startled awake thirty minutes later when Naruto came home. Sasuke listened as Naruto tugged his shoes off with a softly uttered curse and flung his keys on the table. He must be in a bad mood; he had started hanging his keys on the hook by the door, and he only reverted to his old, disorganized ways when he was bothered by something.

 

Sasuke listened as his footsteps came closer, stopping just outside of Sasuke’s door.

 

“Sasuke?” Naruto said quietly. His voice sounded sad and plaintive. Sasuke longed to comfort him, but he felt certain that he knew what Naruto wanted to tell him, and he was not ready to hear it.

 

He lay silently until Naruto went into his own bedroom. The hallway between them seemed to stretch into an entirely different world. Naruto had never seemed so far away. Sasuke tried not to think too much about it as he drifted off again.

 

After that, Naruto stopped avoiding him. If anything, he seemed to be intent upon catching Sasuke at home. Sasuke, though, wanted no part of any awkward conversations about their last sparring session. Even less did he want to entertain a stilted goodbye. He knew he would have to accept that Naruto was slipping away from him eventually, but he could not do it, now.

 

Sasuke became the one to put distance between the two of them. He picked up tutoring jobs he did not need and worked on his assignments in the computer lab at the university or in the library. No matter how far he went, though, he had to reckon with his feelings when he returned home every night. Naruto slept across from him, just a few hundred feet separating them. All Sasuke wanted to do was walk that distance and climb into Naruto’s bed and cling to him like a little child.

 

He had given up on any thoughts of Naruto initiating any kind of intimacy. Once he had accepted that, Sasuke realized how much he had wanted him to. Naruto had promised him nothing. He had not told Sasuke that this could just be something they did together sometimes. He had not indicated that he had any feelings other than friendship for Sasuke. He had been straightforward; he had wanted to show Sasuke how enjoyable sex could be, and he had accomplished that. What more was there to do?

 

Sasuke, though, was having all kinds of feelings for Naruto, many of which had nothing to do with friendship at all. He hated himself for being unable to accept Naruto’s invitation as the friendly gesture it was, for wanting it to be more. He hated himself for his jealousy. He deserved to be left behind; Naruto owed him nothing. He did not want to be like Sakura, needy and demanding.

 

_Loathsome._

 

Sasuke came home right after classes on Thursday. Naruto would have classes to teach at the dojo, two of them, back to back, and Sasuke would not have to work in the library. He settled with his laptop and his books on the sofa and went to work.

 

A half-hour later, the sound of a key in the lock jolted him away from his studies. He was surprised to see Naruto slip in through the door.

 

Naruto smiled at him, and Sasuke’s insides turned to a thick, warm mass of goo. “Hey, Sasuke!” he said, and Sasuke thought he heard a note of relief in his voice.

 

Naruto hung his key on the hook and shambled off to the kitchen. “I’m starving tonight!” he grumbled. “Been hitting the lab really hard, and they don’t allow you to eat in there.”

 

“The nerve of the chemistry department, trying to keep your food from becoming contaminated,” Sasuke snipped.

 

“Ah, shut up, bastard, I’ve been at school all day and haven’t eaten.”

 

Sasuke smiled to himself. Arguing with Naruto was normal and comforting.

 

He heard Naruto pour himself a glass of something, then sputter. “Shit! What the fuck is in this orange juice, Sasuke?”

 

“Orange juice,” Sasuke answered glibly.

 

“What else, asshole?” Naruto growled.

 

“Vodka.”

 

“Fuck, Sasuke, warn a bro before you turn a whole carton of orange juice into screwdrivers.”

 

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Of all the things he wanted to be in Naruto’s life, “a bro” was the absolute last. “What are you doing home?” he said testily. “You teach classes on Thursdays.”

 

“Yeah, they got canceled because so many people are out studying for midterms. I ain’t complaining. I’m dead on my feet,” Naruto said with a yawn.

 

He brought his cup of ramen over to the sofa. “Whatcha studying?” he asked.

 

“Economics of South Asia,” Sasuke said. He felt his cheeks pinkening in response to Naruto’s nearness.

 

“I’m really glad you’re home tonight, Sasuke,” Naruto said.

 

Sasuke’s heart beat rapidly. Perhaps things weren’t so dire. “Hn.”

 

“I was relieved that self-defense classes were canceled,” he went on. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but I never seem to catch you.”

 

Sasuke winced. He was not ready to have any kind of talk with Naruto. “I actually really need to work on this assignment, Naruto,” he said. He snapped his book closed and gathered up his notes and his laptop.

 

He had just opened the door when Naruto slammed it shut and barred his exit. “You’re avoiding me, Sasuke,” he said.

 

“Tch. Says the guy who couldn’t even show up for sparring on Monday,” Sasuke said sourly. “And the guy who took off with Gaara or Sai every opportunity last week. This is an important assignment, Naruto, let me go.”

 

“You’re mad because I canceled sparring?” Naruto asked in disbelief. “I’ve never canceled in three years. I needed help with chemistry lab, Sasuke!”

 

“Yeah? You could have told me that!” Sasuke shouted back.

 

“I assumed you’d know I had good reasons!”

 

“I _assumed_ that you just didn’t like… whatever it was that we did that night and didn’t want to be bothered with explaining,” Sasuke said.

 

“Sasuke, what the fuck? I told you it wasn’t like that!”

 

Sasuke did not look at Naruto. He knew if he did that he would see hurt and confusion all over his face, just as he heard it in his voice. It made him feel small and despicable.

 

“Yeah,” Sasuke sighed. “You did. You told me that it wasn’t like that.”

 

“Sasuke, you’re my best friend. I wouldn’t ditch you just because we went down on each other,” Naruto said. “Don’t you understand that?”

 

His words should have comforted Sasuke, but they didn’t. He realized with perfect clarity, then, why the last two weeks had been so tortuous.

 

“That’s the thing, Naruto,” he said heavily. He forced himself to look into Naruto’s eyes. They were so hopeful and genuine.

 

He took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can be your _friend_ anymore.”

 

Naruto’s face contorted. “I see. I’m sorry. Shit. I’m so sorry, Sasuke. I… I fucked up with my best friend… just because of… shit.”

 

Sasuke searched in vain for the words he wanted.

 

“Shit, I gotta get outta here. I’m… I’m so fucking sorry,” Naruto blurted out. Before Sasuke could stop him, he bolted out the door.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Naruto is right--Sasuke's attitudes towards sex are not just the byproduct of asexuality or demisexuality. He has had some seriously icky experiences. He writes them off as not being traumatic because he could defend himself, but his behavior suggests that it was more traumatic than he realized. He is not a reliable narrator--or at least, not an entirely reliable narrator. 
> 
> I couldn't rest after reading what Kishi wrote about Sakura chasing Sasuke and wearing him down until he knocked her up. That makes me profoundly sad for Sasuke. And of course, that got me thinking about how his peers tend to regard him as arrogant, when in reality, he's traumatized and trying to hold himself at arms' length. Interested in your interpretations.


	4. All The Time in the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto sat on one swing, slumped over and kicking at the ground idly with his foot. He literally looked deflated, as if he were crumbling in on himself. Sasuke’s throat tightened at the sight. He had not been like this after Gaara or Sai; he had been sad, then, but now, he looked… he looked destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: offensive language  
> Also: discussions of sexual trauma. Again, I've tried not to write it in great detail, but it could be difficult to read for some.

Sasuke stared dumbly at the door. He felt lost in his grief; Naruto leaving him felt similar to losing his family, a cataclysm that differed in scale only. He had been so foolish, thinking that he could experience any kind of intimacy with Naruto then just go back to normal. He was not like Naruto. He could not give that part of himself away with no strings or expectations.

 

He was not like Naruto at all. Naruto was selfless and sunny, open to the whole world, while Sasuke only ever invited a select few into his circle. His “select few” consisted of Naruto, and the thought of sharing him with anyone else produced a physical pain in his chest.

 

He had learned to accept that Naruto must have friends other than him, but he had accepted that because he had believed that he was unique. Realizing that he wanted so much more than friendship from Naruto had leveled him. Naruto would not be exclusive. He had accepted this about him long ago. Yet Sasuke selfishly needed that exclusivity. He needed reassurance that Naruto would not one day disappear, lured away by the promise of something better.

 

He had disappeared, though, and his absence weighed upon Sasuke.

 

His instincts told him to run after him. He pushed them back; the least he could do for Naruto was let him go. If he chased him, he would only hurt him more.

 

Sasuke covered his face with his hands and breathed. He did not disregard his instincts, particularly when they were this strong, and denying them felt unnatural and incorrect. He had no idea what to say to Naruto if he caught up to him. He knew he would likely only make things worse.

 

No. He would not. He would give Naruto the space he needed and he would not make him feel guilty for not wanting Sasuke the way Sasuke wanted him. He would not be like Sakura.

 

Fuck that. Naruto was alone, and he was emotional. He tended to get into his worst scrapes in times like this. Sasuke needed to at least ensure that he was safe. He’d worry about what to say when—if—he caught him in time.

 

Sasuke bolted out the door and bounded down the stairs without bothering to lock the door. He could not see Naruto at all in the dark, which concerned him; that shock of blond hair should have been immediately visible.

 

“Naruto?” he said softly, hoping that Naruto was still in the parking lot. His car was still there, so he would surely be on foot.

 

“Naruto!” he called more loudly.

 

He began to panic, wondering where Naruto would have gone in such a state. His face had been so pale when Sasuke had told him that he could not be his friend. Sasuke felt as if he could vomit. He would just have to learn how to deal with his emotions, because he had seen Naruto like that far too many times. It did not matter if Sasuke felt like he was being stabbed every time Naruto brought someone home.

 

He ran past the parking lot, stopping short when he reached the sidewalk. He suddenly recalled that Naruto loved the city park. He liked to go in the evenings and play on the swings and the slides, especially when he was troubled. When he had broken up with Gaara, he had spent an inordinate amount of time sitting indolently on the swing in the twilight. He had done the same when he and Sai had broken up.

 

Sasuke tore off towards the park, hoping that he had been correct, hoping for Naruto to be as predictable in this as he was about most things. A light rain began to fall as Sasuke ran.

 

“Naruto!” he called out, mindless of the stares of passersby. “Naruto, wait!”

 

He was out of breath by the time he reached the park. His heart sank as he scanned the playground, only to find it empty.

 

Sasuke wandered vacantly through the park. It seemed desolate, now, bereft of families in the dark and the rain.

 

A faint creaking sound caught his attention. He remembered that there was another playground, an older one, in the woods off the path. No one ever played there anymore. Perhaps…

 

Sasuke stepped off the path and shoved through the undergrowth. The creaking sound grew louder.

 

In a weedy, little clearing, another swing set stood. Naruto sat on one swing, slumped over and kicking at the ground idly with his foot. He literally looked deflated, as if he were crumbling in on himself. Sasuke’s throat tightened at the sight. He had not been like this after Gaara or Sai; he had been sad, then, but now, he looked… he looked _destroyed._

 

Sasuke walked over to the swings until he was standing beside Naruto. To his shame, he realized that Naruto was crying, hiccuping and sniffling as he crumbled.

 

“Naruto,” he said softly.

 

Naruto looked up at him, and even in the dim light of the evening, Sasuke could see that his eyes were red and swollen.

 

“I’m so sorry, Sasuke. I fucked everything up,” he said brokenly.

 

Sasuke stepped closer and put a hand on Naruto’s shoulder. “No, you didn’t, Naruto, I did,” he said.

 

Naruto shook his had emphatically. “No. If I hadn’t, if I hadn’t tried to talk you into something you didn’t want, things’d be OK, now. We’d still be friends.” A sob wrenched out of him and he turned away from Sasuke.

 

Sasuke knelt and put his arm around him. “You didn’t. It’s all my fault, Naruto,” he said. “I wanted too much and I… it hurt too much… I couldn’t share you…”

 

His voice broke. He squeezed his eyes shut, but the tears came anyway.

 

“Sasuke…” Naruto whispered. “Sasuke, what do you mean?”

 

“I was stupid,” Sasuke croaked. “I thought I would be fine being your friend after… after what we did together… but I’m selfish and possessive and I… I hated thinking of you doing… doing those things… with your other friends. I have no right to tell you what to do, Naruto, but I’m not like you. But I’ll get over it. Just, come back.”

 

“Sasuke, look at me,” Naruto said hoarsely. “What do you mean by ‘sharing’ me?”

 

Sasuke opened his eyes and forced himself to look at Naruto. “I know you’re not monogamous. I told you I accepted that. But after… after what happened in the dojo, I’ve hated thinking about you being that way with other people. I’m sorry, Naruto. I know I have no right.”

 

He was surprised to find himself in Naruto’s arms.

 

“Oh, god, Sasuke. Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Naruto said. His face was buried in Sasuke’s hair and his voice was muffled. “Please tell me you’re saying what I think you’re saying, Sasuke, because if you are, you have _every_ right…” Naruto’s voice broke.

 

“I’m so, so sorry, Naruto,” Sasuke murmured. “I think, after what happened, I think I couldn’t think of you as a friend anymore.”

 

“Because you hated it, Sasuke? Or because you want us to be more than friends?” Naruto asked gently.

 

Sasuke put his arms around Naruto and clung to him the way he had wanted to for the last days. He had not realized how much Naruto’s physical presence grounded him until now, how his scent comforted Sasuke on stressful days or how his voice energized him. “I want to be more, Naruto,” he sobbed. “But I know you don’t.”

 

“Sasuke, you fucking retard,” Naruto said, his voice somewhere between laughter and tears. “You motherfucking _idiot.”_

 

“I know…” Sasuke mumbled. “I know you don’t do monogamy and relationships.”  


“Shut the fuck up!” Naruto growled. He gripped Sasuke by the back of his shirt and yanked him away. “Sasuke, you’re such a moron about some things. But… I’m a bigger one. Shit. Sasuke, look at me, please.”

 

Sasuke raised his eyes to Naruto’s.

 

“I have been in love with you our entire lives,” Naruto said quietly. “I’ve _always_ wanted more than friendship with you. I just took friendship because that’s what I thought was what I could have. Sasuke, do you hear me? I want a relationship with you. I want to be your boyfriend and buy you stupid shit on Valentine’s Day. I want to kiss you goodbye every day when you go to class and hold your hand when we’re walking together.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes opened wide. “But… you said… after Sai… you said…”

 

Naruto closed his eyes and shook his head. “Fuck. After Sai, I realized that I wasn’t going to get over you. But, I’m not a nun! Closeness is important to me. It… I… uhm. Sasuke, I realized that I would never want someone the way I wanted you. So after Sai and I split up, I’ve told every guy that I can’t be in a relationship. Because it wouldn’t be fair to them. Because they could never be you, Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke’s mouth opened and closed, then opened again. Naruto rested his forehead on Sasuke’s. “I shouldn’t have tried anything with you, Sasuke. Not without talking to you a lot. I should have talked to you afterwards. But after kissing you, after being with you that way, I just… I wanted more.”

 

“So why did you avoid me?” Sasuke asked. He immediately hated the plaintive whine of his voice, just as he hated the tears that streamed unchecked down his face. “Why didn’t you ask me for more? I kept waiting for you to at least hug me. But you kept leaving the apartment with your friends...”

 

“I’m sorry for that, Sasuke. I wanted so much more after that time, but I’d told you that there were no obligations, right? I didn’t think about how fucked up things were with Sakura. I didn’t realize that you’d felt obligated to be with her just ‘cause she had feelings for you. I didn’t want to put that on you. So I tried to give you your space, and then… then I wanted to talk to you, but you were avoiding me.”

 

Sasuke began to laugh. It began as a chuckle over their mutual misunderstanding, but it grew into a wracking hysteria. The emotions he had worked so arduously to suppress over the past three weeks, all the grief, confusion, anger, and desire, forced themselves out of his throat.

 

He was grateful that Naruto pulled him closer embrace. He sunk until his head rested in Naruto’s lap. Fingers carded through his hair while a warm, strong hand rubbed circles over his back. He could not believe that Naruto had been going through the same turmoil that he had been. Had he been as miserable? He must have been; he was out in the dark, swinging on the “Horror Playground,” as it was known, crying his eyes out.

 

The tumult of emotion eventually exhausted itself, but Sasuke did not move. Despite the mud sinking into his pants, despite the rain pouring over him, he was in the arms of the only person who had ever been able to make sense of things for him.

 

“Sasuke?” Naruto asked gently. For a moment, he sounded just the way he had in middle school, as if the next words out of his mouth might be, “wanna treat me to ramen?”

 

Sasuke smiled at the memory. He and Naruto knew each other so well. They had endured so much together. “Yeah, Naruto...”

 

“Um, does this mean that we’re in a relationship, now? Or are we still gonna try to just be friends?” Naruto asked.

 

Sasuke’s face burned. “What would you like, Naruto? Do you want to be in a relationship?”

 

“Yeah, Sasuke, I do.”

 

Sasuke’s heart pounded. His mouth was dry, and voicing what he wanted was a foreign concept to him. Still, the memories of the past weeks’ torture loomed large in his mind. “Me, too.”

 

Naruto yanked him up by his arms and pulled him into a kiss. Their mouths met hungrily, as if they were making up for all the years they had spent apart. Naruto’s tongue pried at his lips and he opened them eagerly.

 

Sasuke knew that, no matter what, no matter how many kisses he and Naruto shared, this one would be branded into his memory forever.

 

Naruto pulled away. “It’s raining,” he said breathlessly.

 

“Just now noticing, dobe?” Sasuke jabbed. He kissed Naruto again. Naruto bit his lower lip playfully and pushed him away.

 

“We have a perfectly good apartment where we could do this,” Naruto said.

 

“Yeah, we do,” Sasuke agreed reluctantly. He didn’t mind the rain; being in the rain with Naruto was preferable to being safe, dry, and alone.

 

“C’mon. There’s gonna be lots of kisses from now on,” Naruto said. He pulled back and stood up, then pulled Sasuke up with him. “And there’s a lot of rain between here and the apartment for you to soak up.”

 

Sasuke chuckled and dusted off his pants.

 

“Can I hold your hand, Sasuke?” Naruto asked. Sasuke felt his face reddening again. Soon, they wouldn’t have to ask each other for these little displays of affection. His entire body filled with warmth.

 

“You’d better,” he said.

 

Naruto’s laughter was warm and reassuring, his hand strong and comforting around Sasuke’s.

They did not speak as they left the abandoned playground. They just reveled in each other’s nearness.

The rain picked up as they made their way home, going from a light drizzle to a torrential downpour. The gutters overran, and the overflow pooled in the streets. Sasuke hated being wet, as a rule. He could not be bothered to care, though, when he had Naruto with him this way. His mind still reeled when considered that they were more than friends, now.

 

They laughed like school boys as they took off their muddy shoes at the front door. Sasuke looked away when Naruto began stripping his clothes off, as well.

 

“Nah, Sasuke, don’t get the wrong idea. My clothes feel nasty, and I don’t want to trail mud all over the floor. You always keep the floor so clean.”

 

So Naruto had noticed Sasuke’s efforts… something about that made him feel warm and appreciated. “Hn.”

 

“C’mon, I need to take a shower, OK? You probably want to, too,” Naruto said.

 

Sasuke cleared his throat. “We could… we could shower… together,” he offered.

 

Naruto’s eyes widened. “Really, Sasuke? Are you sure?”

 

“That’s something that… that _boyfriends_ do, isn’t it?” he ventured. “And one of us won’t run out of hot water that way,” he tacked on.

 

Naruto grinned. “Yeah,” he said, “yeah, that’s something boyfriends do together.” He walked closer to Sasuke and trailed his fingers over his face. “Is this real, Sasuke? Is this really you, and you’re my… my… _boyfriend?_ ”

 

Sasuke smiled. He had been having the same thoughts. He nodded at Naruto.

 

“Thank you, Jesus!” Naruto breathed. “Cuz I think I’d just die if this turned out to be another dream.”

 

Sasuke had no time to ask him how many dreams about this he’d had. Naruto pulled him close and kissed him passionately, robbing him of his reason. Fingers worked the top buttons of his shirt. They pulled apart just long enough for Naruto to tug the garment over Sasuke’s head.

 

Despite their explorations at the dojo, being this close was a novel experience. Feeling Naruto’s skin against his was a sensation he wanted more and more of, just like the feeling of Naruto’s mouth on his.

 

He startled when Naruto worked the button of his jeans open.

 

“Is it OK for me to do this, Sasuke?” Naruto asked.

 

“Yeah. It’s just…”

 

“It’s new, right?” Naruto breathed. “We don’t have to...”

 

“I know, Naruto,” Sasuke said. “I know we can take our time. It’s really all right.”

 

Naruto looked relieved. “That’s great. I’m gonna take your pants off, now, Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke nodded mutely. It was otherworldly, seeing Naruto on his knees undressing him.

 

It was a blessed relief to have his sodden clothes peeled away from his skin. Naruto did not stop with his pants—he yanked his briefs down, as well.

 

“Hey, there, lil guy, I remember you!” Naruto murmured, placing a soft kiss on the head of Sasuke’s cock.

 

Sasuke laughed so hard that his sides hurt. Only Naruto would make conversation with a penis...

 

“Uhm. I don’t mean “little,” I mean, you’re… you’re quite impressive, Sasuke,” Naruto fumbled.

 

Sasuke laughed harder.

 

Naruto looked up at him in embarrassment. “This is weird, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, it’s weird,” Sasuke wheezed through his laughter.

 

“I guess it’s bound to be,” Naruto said, laughing along.

 

They were both naked, and soaked, standing in front of the door of their apartment. It was a moment completely untied from reality, and as awkward as it was, it was strangely fitting. Sasuke and Naruto had never done anything “by the books,” anyway; they had fought so viciously in middle school that people were surprised that they considered themselves best friends. After they were reunited in high school, they had begun an elaborate dance around each other, the intricacies of which had only just worn them out.

 

It had taken a simple, no-strings-attached “blow-job between friends” to destroy the illusion they’d created for themselves—the illusion that their intense attraction was just a brotherly bond between two friends.

 

“Yeah,” Sasuke agreed, “weirdness is pretty much guaranteed with the two of us.”

 

“I’ll take it,” Naruto said, grinning. “Weird with you beats normal with anybody else, hands down.”

 

Sasuke blushed at Naruto’s words. He felt the same way.

 

“C’mon, Sasuke. Still wanna shower together? I’m getting cold,” Naruto urged.

 

“Let’s go,” Sasuke affirmed. He had to stop passively allowing Naruto to determine every new step in their relationship; it was an unfair burden to put on him. He took Naruto’s hand and led him to the bathroom.

 

Naruto stood silently as Sasuke turned on the water and fetched towels for the two of them. It was clear that neither of them knew how things would progress, now. Neither spoke as steam filled the room.

 

Sasuke pulled the shower curtain aside and motioned for Naruto to enter. Naruto stepped in and looked at him, a lost, childlike expression on his face. Sasuke stepped in beside him. The steam swirled around them as they studied each other.

 

They had seen each other naked, before; they had dressed for sparring together and showered afterwards. Never, though, had Sasuke felt free to look at Naruto and really take him in at those times. His stomach seemed to flip over when he realized that he had the right to do that, now.

 

He shyly looked Naruto over as he stood under the spray of the water. His shoulders were broad, but his waist was narrow. His muscles were well-defined from his arduous workout schedule and from the classes he taught at the dojo. His skin was tanned evenly, with no flaws whatsoever.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Sasuke whispered.

 

“You are, too,” Naruto responded. Sasuke shyly raised his eyes to Naruto’s face. His blue eyes were full of affection and desire.

 

“I’m going to wash your hair,” Sasuke said. He thought about all the times Naruto had lain his head on his shoulder—sometimes to cry, sometimes just out of friendship. Every single time, Sasuke had had to restrain himself from running his fingers through the messy blond locks.

 

He brushed Naruto’s hair out of his eyes and slicked it back. He pumped his favorite shampoo out into his hand and rubbed his hands together, making a lather. He slowly massaged the foam through Naruto’s hair, massaging his scalp as he thoroughly washed the thick, blond strands.

 

“Shit, Sasuke, that feels fucking amazing,” Naruto said breathlessly. Sasuke felt a pang of guilt when he realized that Naruto’s muscles had been so tight; he worked his fingers methodically as he released the tension, knowing he had been the cause of it.

 

He continued to massage as he directed the spray of the shower over Naruto’s scalp. He knew Naruto’s hair tangled easily—it was bound to, being so fine—so he squeezed some of his expensive conditioner onto his palm and ran it through the shampooed hair. His hands were still slick, so he massaged Naruto’s neck and shoulders. There, too, he found the tell-tale knots that spoke of prolonged tension.

 

“Mhm, Sasuke,” Naruto moaned, “gah, that feels so good. I’ve been in the lab so much that… aaahhh, yeah, right there…”

 

Sasuke had forgotten that Naruto was struggling to get his chemistry grade up. Between his extra time in the lab and his and Sasuke’s falling-out, he would be stressed. Sasuke worked until he had smoothed away most of the larger knots.

 

“Can I wash your hair, Sasuke?” Naruto asked.

 

“Sure,” Sasuke answered. Naruto looked relieved, as if he had thought Sasuke might refuse him. They swapped places so that Sasuke could stand under the shower head.

 

“I always wanna touch your hair, Sasuke. Is that weird?” Naruto said.

 

Sasuke smiled. They had far more in common than he would ever have guessed. “It’s certainly no stranger than anything else between the two of us,” he said.

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Naruto said, slipping slick fingers through Sasuke’s hair. His touch was so gentle that it was almost painful to Sasuke.

 

Naruto was so rough around the edges, so boisterous and playful that no one—at least, no one other than Sasuke—would ever believe him capable of such gentleness. Sasuke had always been the only person with the privilege of seeing Naruto’s softer side.

 

Sasuke dissolved into the warmth of Naruto’s touch. He had been so starved for him for the past weeks, and now, he was enjoying a banquet.

 

He moaned softly and leaned into Naruto’s hands.

 

“Your hair feels just exactly like I thought it would feel,” Naruto marveled. “It’s so silky!”

 

“It won’t be if you skip the conditioner,” Sasuke warned. “It’ll be stiff like a porcupine.”

 

“This is expensive stuff, Sasuke. Not like you to care so much about your appearance,” Naruto said as he picked up the bottle.

 

“What, you mean to say that I’m prissy?” Sasuke snapped.

 

Naruto laughed. “I never said you’re prissy. Anyone who thinks you’re prissy has clearly never fought with you.”

 

“Your friends all call me that,” Sasuke said darkly, aware that he was being petty.

 

“Oh, you mean Shikamaru and Kiba, those guys? I hardly see them anymore. You know they only say that because they wish that they could just roll out of bed looking the way you do,” Naruto said, poking him in the side.

 

Sasuke smiled at the praise. Naruto’s compliments felt different from anyone else’. He complimented Sasuke as if he were simply stating facts, not idolizing him or implying that Sasuke owed him something in return.

 

Naruto rubbed the conditioner through his hair then rinsed it. “All your stuff’s drug-store brand, except for this conditioner, and it’s really expensive. You know, I always hide it—uh, I mean, I _hid_ it… you know, when other people were here...” Naruto's face blazed red, the blush extending into his scalp.

 

The mention of “other people” using their shower did not bother Sasuke anymore. He understood why Naruto would have resorted to meaningless flings.

 

“It was the brand of conditioner Itachi used when I was a little kid,” Sasuke said, relieving Naruto of his awkwardness. Sasuke would tell him later that he didn’t care about his other lovers, now that he knew he was the only one.

 

“My hair was always so stiff, and I wanted it to be silky like Itachi’s, so I always borrowed his. Even though it made him mad.” He smiled at the memory of being scolded by his older brother, pretending to be contrite, pretending that he _would never do it again_ , pretending that he wasn’t going to go to sleep sniffing at his own hair because it smelled like Itachi’s.

 

“You miss him, Sasuke?” Naruto asked.

 

“I do,” Sasuke said simply.

 

Naruto didn’t cloy or fuss over him, but he stood closer and soaped up his hands, running them over Sasuke’s back and shoulders.

 

“Ah, Sasuke, I never thought I’d get to touch you like this,” Naruto mumbled. His cheeks were pink. He massaged Sasuke’s chest, his palms brushing over his nipples. Sasuke caught his breath. He had never thought being touched there would be so exciting.

 

Naruto slipped his hands over Sasuke’s waist and hips, massaging them, as well. He was torn between wanting Naruto to keep massaging him and wanting to pull him close and kiss him.

 

Sasuke took the soap into his hands and lathered it. He had literally felt that he was dying for want of Naruto’s touch for the past several days. Now that his craving was being sated, he wanted to explore Naruto’s body.

 

He began at his neck, running his hands over the skin he had just massaged, then working his way over his shoulders and arms. His skin was firm and taut beneath Sasuke’s hands. Arousal stirred within Sasuke. He longed to go farther. He would show Naruto that he wasn’t a fainting virgin from a Victorian novel.

 

He knelt and washed Naruto’s calves, appreciating their definition. He worked up to his thighs, which were every bit as defined. There was no part of Naruto that was less than perfect. He slid his hands over the swell of his ass, suppressing a moan as he grasped the toned, rounded flesh.

 

Naruto’s cock was semi-erect; the pink head peeked out from his foreskin.

 

“Hey, little guy,” Sasuke said sarcastically. “I remember you.” He flicked his tongue over the head, eager to feel Naruto in his throat again.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto said

 

Sasuke opened his mouth to take him in, but Naruto shoved him away.

 

“Not now, Sasuke,” Naruto said roughly.

 

Sasuke stood and turned away from Naruto, scrubbing himself clean of the soap as he tried to make sense of the rejection.

 

Naruto took him in his arms from behind and nuzzled into his hair. “I want to do that with you again and again, Sasuke, but not now. Please. I’ve been wanting to hold you for so long, please just let me hold you.”

 

Sasuke nodded. He had no idea what to say to that.

 

“We have all the time in the world to do whatever you want to do, I swear,” Naruto said. “But I really, really want to understand you this time. I don’t wanna fuck things up like I did that night.”

 

Sasuke’s irritation grew as Naruto explained. “I already told you, Naruto, that wasn’t your fault…”  


Naruto cut him off. “Yeah, it was, Sasuke. It was my fault, and I could have saved the two of us a lot of pain if I hadn’t… Just… let me figure some things out before we start doing that again. I… it’s my responsibility to you, Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke softened at this. He was frustrated with waiting, but if Naruto were here with him, he would wait even longer. He turned around and kissed Naruto chastely on the lips.

 

The water had gone lukewarm and was now turning cold. Sasuke snorted; they had taken a hot shower because they were wet and cold, only to end up wet and cold in the shower. He reached out of the shower and found a towel. He scrubbed Naruto dry and wrapped the towel around his waist. He reached for another towel and dried his hair.

 

“This is why you never get water on the floor after your showers,” Naruto marveled. He spoke as if one of the great mysteries of the universe had revealed itself to him, and Sasuke laughed.

 

“What? You know I started mopping up my mess, but I didn’t know you got out of the shower completely dry to begin with!” Naruto pouted, as he always did when Sasuke mocked or scolded him. It was absolutely adorable, and Sasuke had never been above teasing him just to see the face he made.

 

Now, though, he could do more than tease. He kissed Naruto slowly, running his tongue over his protruding lower lip. Naruto moaned and pulled him close, deepening the kiss into something much more intimate than Sasuke could ever imagine sex being.

 

They broke apart reluctantly. Naruto scrubbed him dry, and Sasuke wrapped his hair and body in two separate towels.

 

“You hungry, Sasuke?” Naruto asked. “I know I am.”

 

Sasuke only now realized how hungry he actually was. His nerves had not allowed him to finish a meal over the past two weeks, and the long, emotional walk in the rain had left him ravenous.

 

“I’m starving,” he said. “You want me to make something?”

 

“No,” Naruto said. “I want you to come snuggle with me in my bed while we order in.”

 

“Naruto, I can make something just as quickly as we can have food delivered,” he protested.

 

Naruto put his hands and Sasuke’s hips and grinned. “Yeah, but then, we couldn’t snuggle until the food was ready. I’ll pay, Sasuke. Formosa delivers, now. I know you like their vegetarian plates.”

 

Sasuke smiled at both the sentiment and the fact that Naruto had remembered his favorite foods. He had expected him to suggest pizza or ramen.

 

“Come to my bedroom, Sasuke?” Naruto asked. Sasuke nodded. Naruto took his hand, and they walked, clad only in their towels, down the hall to Naruto’s room.

 

His room was messier than usual, but clean; the bed and desk were both cluttered with open notebooks and texts. At some point in their sophomore year, Naruto had learned that organizing his things made life easier. He had become, to Sasuke’s surprise, fairly regimented about controlling the clutter in his room. Yet every time he suffered any emotional setback or significant stressor, he went back to his default setting, leaving things scattered here and there. It hurt Sasuke to know that they had each been spiraling out, both of them suffering alone when they were just a hallway apart from each other.

 

Naruto gathered his books and notes off the bed and placed them carefully on his desk. “Come here, you,” he said, beckoning to Sasuke.

 

Sasuke was all too glad to oblige him. He slid under the covers, and Naruto tucked him in as if he were a child.

 

“I’m gonna get my phone. I’ll be right back,” Naruto assured him. Sasuke nodded and snuggled into Naruto’s bed.

 

Naruto’s pillow was infused with his scent. Sasuke nuzzled into and inhaled. He had never really known how much he depended upon Naruto’s mere presence until they had stopped speaking. He wondered how it had been for Naruto all those years, keeping his distance from Sasuke when his feelings were so incredibly powerful.

 

The idea of Naruto hurting over Sasuke stung. Tears welled up in Sasuke’s eyes. He could not control them. He buried his face in Naruto’s pillow and wept silently.

 

“Hey, Sasuke, I got you the eggplant in garlic sauce…” Naruto stopped short when he realized what was happening.

 

He lay down beside Sasuke and took him into his arms. “Hey, hey, whatcha thinking, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke sniffed and turned his head, burying it in Naruto’s arm. Naruto ran his hand over Sasuke’s hair soothingly.

 

“Sasuke?” Naruto asked. “Can you tell me what’s going on with you?”

 

“I… I thought I lost you,” Sasuke croaked. “I could have lost you. How did you stand this for so many years, Naruto? How did you care so much about me and keep such a distance? It hurts so much…”

 

“Shh, Sasuke. You couldn’t lose me. You must know that. Even if you hadn’t come after me tonight. I woulda gone to bed miserable, but I’d have woken up tomorrow determined to make you be my friend again. I can’t live without you, Sasuke. You’ll never lose me,” Naruto said fervently.

 

Sasuke looked up at him. Tears had filled Naruto’s eyes, too. “I’m not leaving you, Sasuke, not ever. Even if you decide one day that I really am a moron and that I’m an embarrassment to date. No matter how much it hurt, I would always come back. I would always be there however I could be for you, because I promised you that a long time ago.”

 

“You _are_ a moron,” Sasuke mumbled. “We both are. I can’t live without you, Naruto. Every time you had a boyfriend, I’d get angry and sad. I thought it was just because I was jealous of your time, but that wasn’t right, was it? Because you still spent your time on me. You wouldn’t go to Sai’s art opening that one time because it was a Monday...”

 

“And Mondays are for sparring,” Naruto finished.

 

“You never stopped doing any of the things we did together when you were dating those guys. So I must have really been stupid, not to realize how I felt about you,” Sasuke said.

 

“You have never been stupid, Sasuke. I, on the other hand…” Naruto trailed off. “Hey, you must be getting cold. Lemme get you some clothes.”

 

“I have clothes in my room,” Sasuke said, sniffing.

 

“Yeah, but… well… I kinda want to just know you’re in my bed. And I kinda want… I kinda want you to wear my clothes, because I’ve always lost my head when you’ve worn my clothes,” Naruto said sheepishly.

 

Sasuke laughed. “Fine. I’ll wear your clothes,” he said.

 

Naruto grinned and walked to his dresser. He rummaged until he found a long-sleeved baseball shirt from the season he had played for the university. He tossed it to Sasuke and rooted around until he found a pair of sweats.

 

“You must have a kink,” Sasuke said, spreading out the shirt.

 

“Uzumaki” was emblazoned across the back in bright red letters.

 

“Hey, I can’t help it! My crap looks so _elegant_ on you,” Naruto argued.

 

“Elegant? It’s sweats and a tee,” Sasuke retorted. “A tee with your name on it, I might add.”

 

“Yes, elegant!” Naruto said forcefully. He had pulled a random concert tee shirt over his head and was now pulling on a pair of plaid pajama pants. “You should see yourself in my clothes. The shoulder hangs off just so, and you look like a model.”

 

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but he was flattered. Over the years, Naruto’s attention had never wavered. It had been a source of amusement and irritation to Naruto’s other friends, who accused him of being obsessed with Sasuke. It was not as if Sasuke had ever had any room to doubt how important he was to Naruto; he had never known just how much attention Naruto paid him, though. He had let him know in so many ways tonight that nothing Sasuke did escaped his notice.

 

Sasuke pulled the tee shirt over his head, pleased to have “Uzumaki” emblazoned over his back the way “Uchiha” once had been. Naruto might not get his shirt back. He slid on the sweats as he watched Naruto. He was dressed the way Sasuke liked him best, with his tee shirt stretched tightly over his muscles and his pajama pants hugging his hips. He supposed he had been paying attention, too.

 

He shook his head. He really had been so blind.

 

Naruto had just climbed back in bed when the doorbell chimed. “Oof! That’s the food! Be right back,” he said, and he scrambled off the bed and dashed away.

 

He returned with two sacks in his hands. Sasuke watched him as he made his way back to the bed. “Don’t you want to eat at the table, Naruto? I don’t want to mess up your bed.”

 

“Nah, that’s what sheets and washing machines are for. I’ve waited this long to have you here like this, I don’t wanna break the spell,” Naruto said. He kissed Sasuke’s cheek. “And I’ve waited so long to kiss you like that.”

 

Sasuke smiled and looked down.

 

Naruto took out several cartons of food and passed Sasuke some napkins and chopsticks. “This is actually kinda something I always wanted to do with you.”

 

“Eat Chinese food in bed?” Sasuke asked.

 

“Eh, maybe not Chinese. Could have been anything. I always just imagined what it would be like if we were together, and we could just stay in bed all day. Don’t look at me like that! I mean, talking, and eating. Just being together. Just having you close enough to touch,” Naruto said wistfully.

 

“Usuratonkachi,” Sasuke muttered gruffly. He had not used that epithet since they were teenagers.

 

“You love it, I know you do,” Naruto said, attempting to sound cocky. “It’s charming.”

 

He was not wrong. “Hn.”

 

“Hah, you _do_ love it!” Naruto crowed. Sasuke did not argue.

 

They dug into their plates, both of them ravenous.

 

“Sasuke, try this! I ordered us calamari!” Naruto said.

 

Sasuke reached over to take some with his chopsticks, but Naruto stopped him. “Let me feed you,” he said.

 

Sasuke complied. He opened his mouth and allowed Naruto to place a morsel on his tongue.

 

“Damn, that’s even hotter than I thought it would be.”

 

Sasuke swallowed the calamari and looked at him sidelong. “You mean that, in addition to having a kink about me wearing your clothes, you have a kink about feeding me, too?”

 

“No!” Naruto said vehemently. “Er, maybe? Maybe I do, now. I just always saw couples feed each other. I thought it was sweet. But… uh… I really like feeding you, now.”

 

“Didn’t you do this with Gaara or Sai, if this was something couples do?” Sasuke asked, curious. He was amazed at how being together with Naruto completely eliminated the sting of jealousy over those two.

 

Naruto shook his head. “Uh. I guess… I guess that’s something I only ever wanted to do with you.”

 

Sasuke was curious about what else Naruto might have imagined doing. “So, was there anything else you imagined doing?”

 

“Yeah. I imagined watching TV with you,” he said earnestly.

 

Sasuke laughed. “We watch TV together regularly, dobe.”

 

Naruto looked flustered. “But I want you to lay your head on my shoulder or in my lap when we do.”

 

“Ah,” Sasuke said. “I like that idea, too. I always wanted to touch your hair when we watched movies.”

 

It was Naruto’s turn to blush. “You could do it now.”

 

“No,” Sasuke said. “In a minute. Right now, I want to feed you.”

 

Naruto looked surprised. “Oh!”

 

Sasuke took a prawn from another plate with his fingers and lifted it to Naruto’s lips. Naruto opened his mouth and took it in, brushing his tongue along Sasuke’s finger accidentally as he did. Sasuke realized that all of Naruto’s fantasies, so far, had been about doing things for Sasuke. He wondered if he had ever thought of what Sasuke might do for him.

 

Sasuke fed him another prawn, and then another. There _was_ something erotic about the act. He watched Naruto’s lips as he took the food from Sasuke’s hand. They were so plump and pink, in contrast to Sasuke’s pale, thin lips. He remembered how good it had felt to kiss Naruto.

 

He remembered how good it had felt to have those lips around his cock…

 

Sasuke flushed and tried to push the traitorous thoughts away. Naruto had asked him to wait, and wait, he would.

 

They finished their dinner. Naruto had ordered his favorite dessert, bananas deep fried in wonton wrappers with sesame seed and shredded coconut sprinkled over it all. Sasuke did not like sweets, but he loved watching Naruto eating sweet things. He always had. Sweets had been a rare thing for Naruto in their younger years, because money had always been so tight for him.

 

Moreover, there had been few people to treat Naruto in those days. Sasuke still remembered the Valentine’s Day in elementary school—first grade—when Naruto had opened up the “mailbox” he’d made in art class only to discover that it was empty. He had looked so hurt; his eyes had even filled with tears.

 

Sasuke’s box was overflowing, not just with cards, but with chocolates, as well. He had slipped a few boxes of chocolate into Naruto’s box surreptitiously that day. Every year thereafter, he always made sure he got to school early so that he could secretly stash a few packets of candies and chocolates in Naruto’s box. Every year, Naruto’s eyes had lit up happily.

 

He would gloat at Sasuke about having a “secret admirer,” telling him, “See? Not everybody loves just _you_ , Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke would roll his eyes and go back to “ignoring” Naruto. At some point, probably around middle school, Sasuke was surprised to find that he actually enjoyed watching Naruto fuss over his Valentine’s candy. He would eat with such relish, sucking the chocolate off his fingers when he was done and licking the wrapper to ensure that nothing went to waste. Sasuke was impressed, then, with how much unwanted attention he got—including Valentine’s Day sweets—and how little Naruto was given. Everything that Naruto had wanted as a child, Sasuke had been given, and it had been wasted upon him.

 

That was one reason he had never begrudged Naruto his dates in college, despite Sasuke’s jealousy. Naruto deserved everything good in life.

 

Naruto licked his lips happily, then sucked the remaining sugar from his fingers, just as he had done in their school days.

 

“What are you looking at, Sasuke?” he demanded, sounding just as defensive as he had then, too.

 

“My boyfriend,” Sasuke said.

 

Naruto’s face flushed a deep crimson. He swept the cartons to the foot of the bed and pulled Sasuke close. Their kiss was warm and soft; Sasuke could taste the meal they had just shared, and the faint sweetness left from Naruto’s dessert. He swept his tongue over Naruto’s lips hungrily. This would be the only dessert Sasuke would ever need.

 

“Mmm, Sasuke,” Naruto murmured when they parted.

 

Sasuke dove in for another kiss. He sucked at Naruto’s lower lip, nipping it gently with his teeth, before thrusting his tongue into his mouth. Naruto responded feverishly, sliding his tongue over Sasuke’s and moaning as they pressed their bodies together.

 

Sasuke slipped his hands under Naruto’s shirt, brushing his fingertips over his abs and then lightly circling them over his nipples. His cock hardened when the sensitive skin hardened beneath his fingers.

 

Naruto pulled back, breathless and disheveled. “Is this real?”

 

Sasuke kissed his forehead. “It’s very real.”

 

“Do that again,” Naruto begged.

 

“What?” Sasuke asked, confused.

 

“Kiss my forehead again.”

 

Sasuke leaned forward and kissed Naruto’s forehead. He smoothed his hair away from his brow and kissed him at his hairline. He kissed his cheeks, his nose, and his chin. He took his hands in his and kissed each palm.

 

He halted when he felt Naruto trembling.

 

“Naruto? What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly.

 

Naruto’s eyes were tightly shut. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

 

“Naruto?” he asked again.

 

“I’m OK,” Naruto croaked. “Just… you’re here. You’re here.”

 

Sasuke put his arms around Naruto. “Of course, I’m here. Where else would I be?”

 

“Sasuke, I’m so sorry. I just fucked everything up so bad. I can’t believe you’ve forgiven me,” Naruto cried.

 

“There’s nothing to forgive, Naruto,” Sasuke said. “We had a misunderstanding, but now we know how we feel about each other.”

 

“No, no, _no_ , Sasuke!” Naruto said heatedly.

 

Sasuke withdrew. He gathered the cartons from the foot of the bed and stuffed them into Naruto’s overflowing waste bin. He was at a complete loss; he did not understand what Naruto was saying, nor could he formulate a response.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto rasped. “Please come back to bed.”

 

Sasuke complied silently. Naruto’s hands were in fists by his side.

 

“You told me I was only your second _voluntary_ kiss, Sasuke,” Naruto said.

 

“I didn’t mean to say that. It’s nothing, Naruto,” Sasuke muttered.

 

“No, Sasuke, it’s not nothing!” Naruto shouted. “What did you mean? Who kissed you without your consent?”

 

Sasuke looked away. He did not want to have this conversation with Naruto right now.

 

Trembling fingers brushed his cheek. “Please look at me, Sasuke,” Naruto whispered.

 

Sasuke hesitantly turned his face towards him. Naruto’s cheeks were streaked with drying tears. He looked absolutely tormented.

 

“Sasuke… I did something really bad to you. And I didn’t mean to do it. But god, I am so, so fucking sorry,” he said.

 

Sasuke looked at him agog. How could he possibly equate what had happened between them that night to things that had happened without his consent?

 

“Naruto...”

 

“Please don’t say anything, Sasuke,” Naruto interrupted. “You aren’t the one who’s in the wrong, here.”

 

“Neither are you,” Sasuke growled.

 

“Yeah, I am. I wanted to show you how nice sex could be with someone who… who really loved you. I wanted you to experience that just once in your life, even if you never ended up with me. But that wasn’t what was wrong, was it, Sasuke? I mean…” Naruto sniffed and wiped his hand across his eyes.

 

“I mean that you didn’t just have a bad attitude towards sex, did you? Something happened, didn’t it, Sasuke? Something bad...”

 

Sasuke looked down and bit his lip. He had worked hard at suppressing the unpleasant memories. He did not want Naruto to look at him with disgust and anger for the rest of their lives. He was certain that it would destroy him to see Naruto look at him that way.

 

“Please look at me, Sasuke!” Naruto demanded. “You haven’t done anything wrong at all. Do you hear me? You have no reason to be ashamed of yourself or your body.”

 

Sasuke looked up. The tears were threatening again, and his defenses had been breached so thoroughly already tonight that he did not know if he could keep them at bay.

 

“Things happened. When I was gone,” he said simply.

 

Naruto’s face twisted. He looked enraged, almost feral. “Was it Orochimaru?” he said, his voice low and growl-like.

 

Sasuke sighed. “Orochimaru never did anything that you could classify as illegal or abusive,” he said. “He let me know he was interested.”  


Naruto’s face went white. “You… you were _thirteen_ ,” he ground out. “You were thirteen! Who the fuck… What the fuck kind of adult looks at a thirteen-year-old boy and tells him that he’s interested? He was supposed to be your guardian and your doctor!”

 

Naruto was now shouting. All of the guilt and revulsion Sasuke had felt over Orochimaru’s advances tumbled over him in one giant wave.

 

“It’s my fault, Naruto. I didn’t have to go with him. He said I was better than Itachi, that I could go further in life… I could learn more… I left with him, Naruto. I could’ve stayed with Kakashi.”

 

The confession felt like lead dripping off his tongue.

 

“Fuck that, Sasuke! You were _thirteen._ And for that matter, why the fucking hell didn’t Kakashi put up a fight? Why didn’t he step in? He and Orochimaru were the adults. Of course, you went with him! You wanted to be better than Itachi. You wanted out of his shadow. That’s the thing about kids, Sasuke, they’re supposed to fuck up and make stupid decisions. The adults in their lives are supposed to do better!” Naruto pounded his fist against the headboard.

 

“I… I wanted to go with him,” Sasuke murmured. “I knew… I knew he liked me _that way_ , but I still went with him. Just because I wanted someone to choose me...”

 

The dam collapsed. He had wept many times over the past years—he had wept for his family, he had wept for Itachi and how he had misunderstood him, he had wept even tonight because he had almost lost Naruto—never, though, had he wept over what had happened after he had run away. Over the guilt. 

 

The tears poured out of him. He bent over and keened bitterly.

 

“Sasuke...” Naruto said gently. “Oh, Sasuke...”

 

Before he knew it, Naruto had hefted him into his lap. He cradled him gently as he sobbed.

 

“Sasuke, kids do that. Did you know that? It wasn’t wrong for you to want attention. No, don’t argue,” Naruto scolded, intercepting his protest. “It wasn’t wrong for you to want someone who preferred you to Itachi. It wasn’t wrong. It was natural, and it was normal. You aren’t the one to blame.  


Sasuke wept into Naruto’s shoulder. No one had ever said that to him before. All of his school counselors, his teachers, Kakashi—all of them had encouraged Sasuke to _take responsibility for his actions._ That had included his decision to live in Orochimaru’s home when he knew about his reputation and his obsession with him.

 

“It wasn’t your fault. Why the fuck was that snake operating a boys’ home, anyway? He’s a piece of shit, Sasuke, and I personally feel that we have failed as a society by leaving him alive.” The venom in Naruto’s voice surprised Sasuke, but it went straight to his heart, bolstering him and keeping him from total collapse.

 

“What did he do to you, Sasuke? I swear, if he touched you, I will fucking castrate that son of a bitch myself,” Naruto growled.

 

“He… He didn’t do anything. Just looked. Told me I was beautiful. I think… I think he was hoping… hoping I’d stay with him when I turned 18. That’s what he did with Kabuto…” Sasuke said.

 

Naruto’s anger surged so palpably that Sasuke could have sworn that he heard him shriek like a wild animal, even though he had stayed completely silent. His heart pounded furiously against Sasuke’s face. No one had ever held Sasuke like this, no one had ever been so angry on his behalf…

 

“You shouldn’t have had to go through that,” Naruto said tightly. “I’m sorry you went through that. And Sasuke, yes, that was abuse. That was harassment. He could have lost his medical license...”

 

“But I didn’t say anything,” Sasuke said. “That makes me just as bad...”

 

“Fuck, _no,_ Sasuke!” Naruto said bitterly. “It makes you a victim. It makes you a child who was abused. How can you put that on the same level as what Orochimaru did to you?”

 

The tears burned in Sasuke’s eyes. “Because I was selfish...”

 

“Oh, baby,” Naruto murmured. “No, baby. You should have been selfish. There was nobody else to protect you. Why shouldn’t you have been selfish? You were so little. Oh, my god, Sasuke. You were so little.”

 

Naruto shook violently as he wept. Sasuke clung to him and sobbed. He had never known how much he had needed to hear that.

 

“I’m sorry, Naruto,” he said.

 

“No, babe. You have nothing to apologize for. Was he the one who…”

 

“No,” Sasuke said. He didn’t want to hear Naruto say the words; he knew Naruto didn’t want to say them, either.

 

“The other boys… a lot of them were curious. They used to do things together. And sometimes they tried things with me, when I was asleep. But I always made them stop. I never let them… I never did that…”

 

Naruto sighed. “So, your first kiss… was from some fucked-up kid while you were trying to sleep? Shit. Oh, Sasuke. I didn’t know, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Why? You didn’t know. You couldn’t have done anything about it, Naruto,” Sasuke said.

 

“But I took advantage of you, didn’t I? Just like those guys did.”

 

Sasuke sat upright and grabbed Naruto by the chin. “You did _nothing_ like those guys did, Naruto. I had to beat them. I had to push them off of me and break their noses. You wouldn’t even kiss me without asking my permission, so don’t you _dare_ compare yourself to them.”

 

Naruto did not look placated. “I thought I could just let you experiment. I thought maybe you just hadn’t figured out your sexuality, yet. I thought it would help. But… it just makes me…”

 

“Shut up, moron,” Sasuke spat. “If you think you’re some kind of opportunist, you’re stupider than I thought. Naruto, you gave me every opportunity to walk away and say ‘no.’ Do you have any idea how much that meant to me?”

 

Naruto looked at him sceptically. He went on. “I didn’t feel like I had a choice with Sakura. Once we started dating, I thought I had to do what normal people do when they date. But I didn’t want to be with her to begin with. She just… she wore me down. I know you care about her, but she wore me down, Naruto. And Kakashi didn’t help...”

 

Naruto frowned. “What did Kakashi have to do with you and Sakura?” he asked. His voice dripped with suspicion.

 

Sasuke took a deep breath. “He told me I should give her a chance. He thought I should experience what a loving relationship was like.”

 

A shadow passed over Naruto’s features. “So, you were supposed to take whatever she offered, because you couldn’t do any better? You couldn’t decide on your own who you wanted to be with?” He paused to breathe. Sasuke noticed that his heart rate had increased again. “Kakashi is such a fucking scumbag, I swear to fucking Christ...” Naruto trailed off, as if he could think of more epithets but did not want to waste his energy stating the obvious.

 

Sasuke laughed.

 

“What is it? What’s so funny? If I see that perv, I swear, I’m gonna tie him up and take him to Orochimaru as a Christmas present,” Naruto vowed.

 

This only made Sasuke laugh harder. He bent and kissed Naruto chastely on the lips. “You gave me a choice, Naruto. Even though you wanted to be with me, you told me over and over again that you would stop if I wanted you to. Do you see the difference?”

 

Naruto looked at him uncertainly. Sasuke knew he had to say it now. He took a deep breath.

 

“I love you, Naruto. I love you most of all for giving me a choice.”

 

Naruto’s blue eyes shined. “Do you really, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke smiled. “Do I ever say things I don’t mean?”

 

Naruto chuckled. “No. No, you don’t. Can you tell me again?”

 

Sasuke rolled his eyes in mock frustration and sighed. “I love you, idiot.”

 

“Please don’t ever stop calling me that,” Naruto said. He looked at Sasuke with undisguised adoration.

 

“You’re my idiot,” Sasuke said. “My idiot boyfriend.”

 

Naruto grinned the way he used to in childhood when he managed to one-up Sasuke or when he found his chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Sasuke would never tire of that smile.

 

“My boyfriend is a total asshole,” Naruto said fondly, using his favorite pet name for Sasuke. “And I’m never, ever gonna let him go.”

 

Sasuke traced Naruto’s cheekbones with his fingertips. “Is this why you wanted to wait, Naruto? Because of… because of my past?”

 

Naruto found his other hand and twined their fingers together. “Yeah. It dawned on me after everything happened what you said that night, about voluntary kisses. I needed to figure out how to give you what you need from here on out. I’m sorry for making you relive all that shit, Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke laid his head on Naruto’s shoulder. “Don’t be. Every time it came up before, I just treated it like a fact of life. You’re the very first person to tell me that it wasn’t my fault or that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.”

 

Naruto stroked his hair. “It was bad enough, Sasuke. And it definitely wasn’t your fault. I’ll tell you that any time you need to hear it.”

 

Sasuke nuzzled into Naruto’s neck. A different sort of tears welled up in his eyes as he sank into the warmth of the man he loved.

 

They were both far more exhausted than they had realized, and soon, they were pulling the covers back and slipping into bed together. Sasuke had never laughed or cried as much or as hard as he had today.

 

They snuggled under the covers together and kissed until Sasuke began drifting off to sleep. With Naruto’s arms around him and a deep contentment filling his heart, slumber overtook him.

 

Sasuke panicked when he first awoke. Sunlight streamed through the window, and he was not in his own room. He remembered that he had spent the night in Naruto’s bed, and he smiled. He was lying on his side with Naruto’s arm around him.

 

He turned over and looked at Naruto. His mouth hung open slightly. In the morning light, his skin was smooth and luminous. His blond hair was splayed across the pillow. Sasuke reached over and ran his fingers through the golden strands.

 

Golden eyelashes fluttered, and hazy, blue eyes looked up at him.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto murmured. “You’re still here.”

 

Sasuke kissed Naruto’s forehead. “Still here.”

 

“Don’t you have to be in class today?” Naruto asked through a yawn.

 

“It’s just review, and I know all the answers,” Sasuke said. “I haven’t missed any days, so I can afford to skip.”

 

Naruto smiled sleepily. “You’d skip class just to be with me?”

 

“Mhm. Today, I would. I’ve discovered I really like being in your bed,” Sasuke said.

 

Naruto hugged him close. “You’re the best, you know that?”

 

Sasuke moved in to kiss him, but Naruto covered his mouth and pulled away.

 

“Don’t do that, my breath is probably awful!” he squealed.

 

Sasuke grinned at his embarrassment. “Not awful enough to keep me away,” he said. He caught Naruto’s lips in a soft, sweet kiss. “Not bad at all,” he pronounced.

 

Naruto blushed and scratched the back of his neck. “How do you do it, Sasuke? How do you wake up perfect?”

 

Sasuke blushed at Naruto’s praise. Naruto caressed his cheek gently. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, Sasuke,” he said earnestly.

 

“Don’t you have a mirror, idiot?” Sasuke asked. It would have been embarrassing to talk like this with anyone else, he imagined, but it seemed so natural with Naruto. Naruto’s beaming, surprised expression was well worth a little cheese.

 

“Oh, I gotta feed you!” Naruto said. “What would you like to eat?”

 

Sasuke stretched and yawned. “Anything at all is good.”

 

“Hey, there’s a new, French bakery down the corner. You wanna go? Or you can stay here and I’ll go,” Naruto offered.

 

“Would this be our first date?” Sasuke asked.

 

“Hell, yeah! Our first date! My first date with my boyfriend!” Naruto chanted deliriously.

 

Sasuke tossed a pillow at him.

 

“Hey, Sasuke, would you wear my clothes again?” Naruto asked hopefully.

 

“Sure,” Sasuke agreed. “But I get to pick.”

 

“All right! I’m gonna go brush my teeth while you pick something out,” Naruto said. He bounded out of the room energetically. Sasuke shook his head and smiled. Naruto usually hated mornings. He could not remember a time when Naruto had been this bouncy upon waking up.

 

Nor could he remember a time when he, Sasuke, had felt so lazy upon waking up. His limbs ached from sleeping in a different position. He was still tired, and another hour of sleep would not have gone amiss.

 

He sifted through Naruto’s clothes until he found a royal-blue tee shirt and a pair of black pants. Although Naruto loved orange, blue was the color Sasuke associated with him. He had encouraged Naruto to buy shirts in this shade, because it intensified the blue of his eyes. Naruto had become somewhat superstitious about the color; Sasuke had suggested it on a shopping trip for a scholarship interview Naruto had their freshman year. After winning the scholarship, he refused to wear any other color on interviews. He had even worn royal blue tee shirts under his gi for martial arts tournaments.

 

They had so much history together. Sasuke was relieved that they had managed to salvage their relationship.

 

He slipped Naruto’s clothes on and walked to the bathroom. Naruto was just coming out.  


“Oh, wow, you look great!” he said when he saw Sasuke. He kissed Sasuke passionately, his hand fisting the front of his shirt.

 

“You’re very minty,” Sasuke said.

 

“Eh. You like it?”

 

“Of course.” Sasuke kissed him again.

 

“It’s better than morning breath, right?” Naruto plied.

 

“I even like kissing you with morning breath,” Sasuke responded. He rubbed his hands up and down Naruto’s waist.

 

“You’re so sappy!” Naruto exclaimed. “I had no idea you could be this sappy!”

 

“Is it sappy if I mean it?” Sasuke countered.

 

“It’s even sappier that way! You’re sappy, Sasuke!” Naruto yelled.

 

“Maybe. But only for you.”

 

“That’s what I like best about it,” Naruto said with utter sincerity. “Everybody else thinks you’re always cool, calm, and collected, but I know the truth. Sasuke Uchiha is a giant sap.”

 

“Watch it, Uzumaki. Would you let me take care of my own morning breath, now?” Sasuke swatted Naruto and edged around him into the bathroom.

 

“Your breath doesn’t even stink in the morning,” Naruto said. “I’d be jealous, but I’d have to be jealous of myself, because you’re my boyfriend.”

 

Sasuke chuckled. “How many more times are you going to say that word?”

 

Naruto pouted. “What, you mean ‘boyfriend?’ I’m gonna say it a hell of a lot. I’ve been waiting to say it since we were twelve. Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend! Sasuke Uchiha is my boyfriend! My boyfriend is Sasuke Uchiha. How many ways do you think I can say it?”

 

“Why don’t you count while you get dressed,” Sasuke said, laughing at Naruto’s silly ways.

 

“Fine, fine, whatever you say, boyfriend,” Naruto mumbled. He slunk off to get dressed, and Sasuke brushed his teeth.

 

His hair was a mess. It had still been damp when he’d gone to sleep, and it was now standing out in the back. He rifled through the medicine cabinet until he found a tube of styling custard. His efforts were to no avail; his hair was only slightly less idiotic now than it had been.

 

He sighed in resignation. He was too hungry to shower and style his hair again. Of course, it was the first thing Naruto noticed as they were leaving.

 

“Hey, your hair looks great!” he said enthusiastically.

 

“I can’t get it to lie down,” Sasuke grumbled.

 

“I like it this way. It looks the way it did when we were kids,” Naruto said. His face was clouded over with nostalgia.

 

“Oh, you mean back in the days when you said it looked like a duck’s ass? Thanks,” Sasuke sneered.

 

“You know I only said that because I liked it, right?” Naruto said, somewhat embarrassed.

 

Sasuke scowled at him. “You called me ‘duck ass’ all through seventh grade. I didn’t realize I was supposed to feel complimented.”

 

Naruto’s mouth fell open. “Whaddya want me to say? I said that because my first wet dream was literally about you.”

 

It was now Sasuke’s turn to be embarrassed. “I didn’t know that! Do you know how much I tried to make my hair stop sticking out like that?”

 

Naruto looked at him sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I’m a moron. You called it right from the beginning.”

 

Sasuke caught him around the waist. “You’re my moron.”

 

Naruto grinned slyly. “Does this mean you’re my duck ass?”

 

Sasuke elbowed him. They both laughed all the way to the cafe.

 

Breakfast slid into brunch as he and Naruto talked and ate. The cafe had been a good call; Naruto had a selection of sweet pastries to choose from, and Sasuke could opt for pain bagne and brie. Although they had been out together many times, they had never been out as a couple. Sasuke was entranced with the way Naruto looked at him as they ate. His foot rubbed against Sasuke’s ankle as they chatted, and he stole kisses at every opportunity.

To Sasuke’s surprise, he did not mind these displays of affection at all. In fact, he relished them. He felt invigorated, as if the sun were shining for him and him alone. It was hard to believe that, just 24 hours before, he had felt that everything worthwhile in the world were crumbling around him.

 

They finally made their way back home, holding hands the entire way. When they reached the front door, Naruto kissed Sasuke on the lips. The chaste punctuation of their date became a desperate, passionate scrum rather quickly. Sasuke found himself pinned against the door, Naruto leaning against him, as their tongues twisted around each other.

 

A scandalized cough brought them back to reality. Their next door neighbor was staring at them in horror when they pulled apart. Naruto mimed tipping his hat at her as he opened the door and shoved Sasuke inside. Sasuke snickered like a teenager.

 

“I hope you know, young man, this is going on your permanent record!” Naruto said in a screechy falsetto. Sasuke laughed harder.

 

The laughter died away as they looked at each other. Naruto’s skin glowed, and his lips were slightly swollen from their kisses.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto murmured. “I want you.”

 

“Praise sweet Baby Jesus,” Sasuke muttered. Naruto pulled him into another kiss. This time, his hands roamed over Sasuke’s back and sides.

 

Naruto gripped his hips and pulled him close. Their hips ground against each other, and Sasuke could feel Naruto’s erection against his. His knees went weak. He moaned into Naruto’s mouth.

 

He was taken off-guard when Naruto pulled away and swept him up into his arms like a child.

 

“What are you doing?” Sasuke cried out.

 

“Something else I’ve always wanted to do,” Naruto said. His voice was low and raspy. “Your room or mine?”

 

“Yours,” Sasuke breathed. Naruto’s eyes darkened with lust, and for a moment, he looked like a predator that had just fixed its sites on its next meal. A frisson of desire made Sasuke feel even weaker.

 

Naruto kicked his door open with his toe. He laid Sasuke down on the bed gently and looked down at him. “My favorite dream is coming true right now,” he said, his voice breaking.

 

He brushed Sasuke’s bangs away from his face tenderly. Sasuke stared up at him, lost for words. No one had ever looked at him this way in his life; not Sakura, not the desperate boys in the home, not Orochimaru. This was more than lust or obsession, he knew, and the way Naruto looked at him now was proof of that. He looked as if he were breaking apart at the thought of touching him.

 

Something opened up within Sasuke. He pulled Naruto down against him and kissed him. He forced his tongue into Naruto’s mouth, silently pleading with him to understand that Sasuke needed him just as much. The years apart, the years spent deprived of any kind of healthy affection, had eaten away at him in ways he had not even realized until Naruto had touched him.

 

Naruto whined and moaned animalistically as kissed and ground against each other. Sasuke twisted against him, trying to bring their bodies closer together. He was on the threshold of one of life’s most compelling mysteries, and he wanted Naruto to pull him over.

 

He ripped at Naruto’s clothes hungrily. Naruto pulled away just long enough for both of them to rip off their shirts and pants, then leaned in close again. He kissed Sasuke’s jaw and neck, making him tremble and moan and leaving marks on his fair skin.

 

“Are you sure?” Naruto asked against his throat.

 

“Positive,” Sasuke said breathlessly.

 

That was all the answer Naruto needed. He caressed Sasuke’s nipples, rubbing his palms over them then circling his areolae with his thumbs. Taking note of Sasuke’s mewls and thrusts, he flicked his tongue over one and then the other, chuckling as Sasuke writhed against him.

 

“There is so much I wanna learn about you,” he said softly. He sucked one dark, hardened nipple into his mouth and teased it gently with his teeth. Sasuke felt the pre-come stream out of him as he arched up into the stimulation. He had never known this part of his body could be so sensitive.

 

He groaned in frustration when Naruto pulled away from his nipple with a sharp sucking sound, only to moan in ecstasy when he lavished the same attention on the other. His hands scraped down Naruto’s back and over his ass. He kneaded the firm globes in his hand as Naruto kissed and sucked the skin over Sasuke’s torso.

 

“Can I take off your underwear, Sasuke?” Naruto panted.

 

Sasuke nodded. He knew telling Naruto not to ask permission for every escalation was futile. He appreciated Naruto for this, for giving him the gift of saying no. Ironically, the one person who ever had was the one person Sasuke had ever wanted to say yes to.

 

Naruto pulled the tight briefs down and lightly touched the glans. Sasuke’s hips moved without his permission. Naruto bent and sucked the head into his mouth, palming Sasuke’s balls as he did so.

 

Sasuke’s voice, needy and breathless, sounded foreign to him. He gasped and moaned as Naruto’s mouth moved over his cock. Naruto pulled away far too soon.

 

He licked his lips as he looked Sasuke over. “You taste so fucking good,” he groaned. “You have no idea...”

 

“Then give me one,” Sasuke commanded. Naruto’s lips crashed against his, and his tongue fucked his mouth insistently.

 

Naruto was breathless when he moved away. “Is it OK if I take off my underwear, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke thumped his head. “What the hell do you think? Of course, it’s OK if you take off your underwear, idiot.”

 

Naruto looked relieved. He tugged his underwear down. “Do you know what frotting is, Sasuke?”

Sasuke shook his head. He had not really made an effort to educate himself on sex practices, but he was willing to take Naruto’s instruction.

 

“It feels amazing,” Naruto assured him. He rubbed his hand over the head of Sasuke’s cock, smearing his palm with pre-come, then took both his penis and Sasuke’s into his hand.

 

“Aaaah, Naruto… feels good,” Sasuke panted. The feeling was indescribable. When Naruto began moving his hand, however, he lost control.

 

Sasuke shrieked and arched his back. He clawed mindlessly at Naruto’s shoulders.

 

“Oh, Sasuke… oh, baby, you feel so good. Mhm,” Naruto moaned. His heavy-lidded eyes focused tightly on Sasuke’s face as they thrust against each other.

 

“Naruto...” Sasuke breathed. His vision was blurred. It was as if the intensity of the stimulation Naruto was providing had sapped all his other senses.

 

“Fuck,” Naruto huffed. Sasuke sat up halfway and kissed him as Naruto rubbed their dicks against each other in his hand.

 

Sasuke was close to orgasm, but he didn’t want it to happen this way. “Naruto,” he mumbled against Naruto’s lips. Naruto continued to masturbate the two of them, mindless of Sasuke’s speech.

 

Sasuke pulled back. “Naruto,” he panted.

 

Naruto’s hand stopped moving. “Yeah, baby?”

 

“I want everything,” Sasuke said.

 

“Whaddya mean, Sasuke?” Naruto asked. He kissed the corner of Sasuke’s lips.

 

“I want to go all the way,” Sasuke said. It was not ambivalence that caused his voice to shake. 

 

Naruto pulled back and peered at him, his face serious. “Do you really, Sasuke? Or are you saying that because you think that’s what I want?”

 

“I really want it,” Sasuke reassured him. “I know I’m not really skilled, but I want you. I want all of you, Naruto.”

 

Naruto kissed his cheek and stroked his hair. “You’re plenty skilled, Sasuke. Sex is more than technique, ya know?”

 

He nodded.

 

Naruto kissed him again. “All right, then.” He reached over Sasuke and fumbled in his bedside table drawer.

 

He removed a bottle and a condom.

 

“Do we have to use condoms?” Sasuke asked. “Since we’re going to be only with each other?” Something caught in his throat as he thought that Naruto might be reconsidering monogamy.

 

Naruto nodded. “This is important, Sasuke. I’ve been sexually active, and although I’ve always used protection, it’s important to me to protect you. We’ll go to the school clinic and I’ll get tested for you. After that, we can talk about going bareback. OK?”

 

Sasuke bit his lip and nodded. He was not sure if Naruto’s concern and respect for him would ever stop provoking tears.

 

“Sasuke?” Naruto asked worriedly. “Are you sure this is fine? We have all…”

 

Sasuke sniffed. “All the time in the world, I know,” he said. “But I want you, now, Naruto. I’m just… it feels… you’re so thoughtful…”

 

Naruto’s expression made him think of the old folk tale, the _Kitsune no yomeir_ _i—_ the foxes’ wedding. He managed to scowl irritably and smile endearingly at the same time, like the sun shining through a weeping rain cloud.

 

“This is the way sex is supposed to be, Sasuke,” Naruto said as he caressed his face. “It’s supposed to be about respect and thoughtfulness.”

 

Sasuke laughed silently. “I know. But it’s all new to me. You’re sweet, Naruto. Make sure I’m always thoughtful of you, too.”

 

Naruto took his hand and entwined their fingers. “You are thoughtful of me, Sasuke. You’re more thoughtful of me than anyone else ever has been.”

 

Naruto picked up the bottle—lubricant, Sasuke could now see—and squirted a bit of gel onto his hand. “I have to prepare myself, Sasuke,” he explained.

 

To Sasuke’s surprise, he reached behind him. “What… what are you doing?” Sasuke asked.

 

Naruto grinned. “I’m preparing myself for you,” he explained. “It’s been a while since I bottomed, so I’m stretching the opening so you can go in easier.”

 

Sasuke blushed to hear it explained so honestly. He had expected Naruto to enter him.

 

“It’s better this way, Sasuke,” Naruto reassured him. “If you want to bottom later, you’ll know what’s involved. I’d rather you top this time so that our first time feels 100 percent amazing for you.”

 

“But what about you?” Sasuke probed. He could not understand how that would be pleasurable for Naruto.

 

“It’ll feel great for me, I promise. And if you decide you want to receive at some point, I’ll make it feel great for you, too. Just… let me bottom this time, OK?”

 

Sasuke nodded worriedly. He had not been particularly concerned about the possibility of experiencing pain, but he was terribly worried about hurting Naruto.

 

Naruto thrust his fingers in and out of himself, allowing Sasuke to see what he was doing as he stretched his entrance. Sasuke watched in fascination.

 

When Naruto was satisfied with his preparation, he tossed Sasuke the condom. “Do you want help putting it on?”

 

Sasuke nodded. Naruto tore the packet open with his teeth and withdrew the condom. He rolled it over Sasuke’s cock easily.

 

“Lie down,” he ordered Sasuke.

 

Sasuke lay back, wondering what Naruto was planning.

 

“We’re gonna do it this way at first, so you don’t have to worry that you’re hurting me, and I can see your face,” Naruto explained. Naruto squatted over him on his heels and took Sasuke’s cock into his hand. He aimed it at his entrance and sank down slowly.

 

Sasuke gasped. He was fully sheathed inside of Naruto. Naruto’s insides gripped him tightly, like a satin sheath.

 

“Aw, shit,” Naruto breathed. “Fuck, Sasuke, you feel… ungh, you feel so good inside of me.”

 

His words seemed to reverberate through Sasuke’s cock. He throbbed as Naruto’s body shuddered around him.

 

Naruto began to move up and down, bouncing on Sasuke’s cock. Sasuke was not sure how long he could hold out. His hips thrust upwards awkwardly, out of sync with Naruto’s movements. Naruto did not remark about it, though; he just adjusted until he and Sasuke moved together.

 

Naruto’s cock bounced between them as they fucked. Sasuke took it into his hand and stroked.  


“Oh, god, yes, that feels so good,” Naruto mumbled. He moved faster and faster, leaning forward so he could kiss Sasuke’s lips

 

Sasuke could tell when Naruto found a good angle, because he tightened around Sasuke’s cock like a vise.

 

No matter how he tried to restrain himself, Sasuke could not keep himself from thrusting rapidly when that happened. He felt the tell-tale tightening in his balls all too soon.

 

“Na… Aaanh,” he cried as he came. Naruto continued riding him until his cock had nothing left to give.

 

“Naru… I’m sorry,” he breathed. Naruto was still fully hard in his hand.

 

“Sh, baby.” Naruto kissed his brow and smoothed his hair back. “Did it feel good?”

 

“So good,” he mumbled. A wave of disappointment washed over him as Naruto lifted himself off of his cock.

 

“You need to take the condom off before you’re completely soft, or it’ll be messy,” Naruto told him. He didn’t have to, though; Naruto pulled the condom off himself and tied it at the end, then tossed it into the bin.

 

He walked out of the room, and Sasuke momentarily panicked. He wondered if Naruto was upset with him for finishing too soon and leaving him behind. He wondered if he might be rethinking having a monogamous relationship with someone so untried and inexperienced.

 

His doubts were relieved when Naruto returned with a roll of paper towels. “Thought you might wanna clean off,” he said. “I know how much you like to be clean.”

 

He tore off a paper towel and wiped the residual stickiness off of Sasuke’s cock. Sasuke blinked. Naruto could be so thoughtless and careless, but when it counted, he was the most thoughtful and perceptive person Sasuke knew.

 

“Naru?” Sasuke asked.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Are you in pain? You need to finish.”

 

“It’s OK, Sasuke. Regardless of what straight boys say, no one has died of blue balls yet,” Naruto said with a laugh.

 

Sasuke put his hand on Naruto’s thigh. “I want to make you come,” he said directly.

 

Naruto’s face went crimson. “We’ll have other times,” he said in a choked voice.

 

“No time like the present,” Sasuke returned.

 

“Uh, what do you have in mind?” Naruto asked.

 

“I want to go down on you,” Sasuke stated plainly. “I want to go down on you, and I want you to come in my mouth. And I want you to tell me what to do as I’m sucking you, because it’s exciting when you do.”

 

“Oh,” Naruto sighed. His eyes were large, his pupils blown. Sasuke wondered if he would always have this effect on Naruto.

 

“How?” Naruto asked.

 

“Lie down,” Sasuke said. As athletic as Naruto was, he knew his quads must be tired from the workout of riding Sasuke to orgasm.

 

Naruto obediently stretched out beside Sasuke. Sasuke caressed his chest and kissed him—a sweet and gentle kiss for his sweet and gentle lover. They could experiment with rougher kisses later. He kissed over his jaw then nibbled his ear.

 

Naruto’s hands moved lazily over Sasuke’s shoulder and side as Sasuke explored Naruto’s body with his mouth. He catalogued all of his reactions: a hiss when Sasuke kissed his neck, a shudder when he nibbled his ear.

 

Remembering how intense his pleasure had been when Naruto had sucked his nipples, he brushed his tongue over the perfect pink nubs then breathed on them. Naruto immediately cried out. Sasuke continued, sucking and nibbling the pebbled flesh until both nipples reddened and stood at attention.

 

He kissed down Naruto’s side and bit his hip, then kissed over his navel. He swirled his tongue inside the little indention, which made Naruto moan helplessly. He made his way down to Naruto’s thighs, parting them and laving the junction of his left thigh and pelvis. Naruto’s breathing grew heavier and faster as Sasuke licked and nibbled at the soft, smooth skin. He bit and sucked, leaving marks over both of his inner thighs.

 

Naruto’s cock was fully erect, the head a vivid shade of red. Pre-come dripped from the slit copiously. Sasuke swept his tongue over, appreciating the taste.

 

“Ah, Sasuke. Feels so good.”

 

Sasuke looked up. “Tell me what to do,” he said. “You promised.”

 

Naruto laughed. “So bossy. Um. OK. Uh, just lick and kiss it for a while.”

 

Sasuke obliged. He lifted Naruto’s cock and flicked his tongue over the skin on the underside, moving from base to tip.

 

“Fuck, yes, that’s so good,” Naruto affirmed.

 

Sasuke continued to do this, then sucked on the underside, his lips positioned as if he were playing a flute.

 

“Shit!” Naruto cried out. “Fuck, that feels good!”

 

Emboldened, Sasuke sucked up and down the underside the same way. When he reached the base, he tongued Naruto’s balls wetly.

 

“Mhm, baby…” Naruto mumbled.

 

Sasuke took Naruto’s cock into his mouth and sucked, stroking the base the way Naruto had taught him to do before.

 

“You learn so fast,” Naruto gasped.

 

Sasuke smiled lasciviously to himself. He would make sure to give Naruto plenty of opportunities to say that. He removed his hand and took as much of the length as he could down his throat.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto said, “don’t gag yourself.”

 

“Tell me what to do,” Sasuke demanded, coming off of Naruto’s cock with a plop.

 

“Uh, OK. Take me into your mouth. Just as far as you can without gagging.”

 

Sasuke did as Naruto instructed.

 

“OK, now, uh, swallow. Like, gulp a few times.”

 

Sasuke could hear desire warring with concern in Naruto’s voice. He swallowed once, then again, amazed at how much more of Naruto he could take down this way.

 

“Ah, yeah, that… that way. Oh…” Naruto panted as Sasuke took him as far down his throat as he could.

 

“If you’re gonna do that, relax your throat, babe,” Naruto advised. Sasuke focused on relaxing his throat muscles.

 

Naruto’s cock was so thick and so long that it stretched his esophagus uncomfortably, but Sasuke found he did not mind. When he had become somewhat more accustomed to being stretched that way, he began to move up and down, keeping a tight suction on Naruto’s cock as he did.

 

Naruto moaned and gripped his hair. Sasuke could feel the tension in Naruto’s thighs; he knew he was trying not to fuck his mouth. He moved faster, learning to swallow when Naruto’s cock hit the back of his throat so he would not gag.

 

Sasuke’s eyes watered every time he took Naruto down his throat, but he continued, savoring the stretch of his esophageal muscles and the taste of pre-come. Naruto was losing control. His legs trembled, and he pulled at Sasuke’s hair unconsciously.

 

“Sasuke… oh, my god,” he groaned. He mumbled incoherently as Sasuke sped up.

 

Naruto gripped his hair suddenly. “I’m gonna come, Sasuke!” he warned.

 

Sasuke sucked harder as Naruto sprayed his seed in his mouth. Naruto’s speech was completely indecipherable, now; his hands gripped Sasuke’s hair even tighter. Sasuke sucked until Naruto was dry and his cock began to soften in his mouth. The hands in his hair relaxed and collapsed onto the bed.

 

He pulled away and wiped the drool off the corners of his mouth. Naruto was completely out of Earth’s orbit, it seemed, lying in a starfish pose with his eyes half open. A thin line of saliva trickled from the corner of his parted lips. Seeing him this way left Sasuke feeling accomplished. He was grateful to be able to give Naruto the same kind of pleasure he had given him.

 

“C’mere,” Naruto murmured hoarsely. Sasuke lay down and snuggled into his side.

 

“Shit… you learn fast, don’tcha?” Naruto mumbled fondly. He kissed Sasuke’s head. “Fucking genius Uchihas. Naturally good at everything…”

Sasuke chuckled and laid his head on Naruto's shoulder.

The drifted to sleep this way, sated and, most importantly, together.

 

The sun was beginning to set when Sasuke awoke. He had never known that sex could exhaust one so thoroughly; he had fallen asleep almost immediately after he had lain down. Not only that, it had been a restorative sleep. He could not recall any dreams, good or bad, and he had not awakened once. He thought, somewhat giddily, that this would be a benefit of being in a relationship.

 

At some point, as they had slept, Sasuke had ended up on his back, the way he normally slept, and Naruto had ended up curled into a fetal position at Sasuke’s side. It was incredibly endearing; he reminded Sasuke of the child he once had been this way, and Sasuke wanted to protect what remained of his innocence. He stroked Naruto’s hair as he reflected that this must be how Naruto regarded him.

 

The past two days had been some of the most emotional days of his life. They had also been the most healing. Naruto had given him everything he had needed, things Sasuke did not even realize he needed. He had given him pleasure, he had given him consideration. More than that, he had given him permission to be wounded and to feel angry at those who had wounded him. He had never thought that he deserved that. He had simply accepted that he was responsible for every bad thing that had happened to him from age thirteen onward.

 

He kissed Naruto’s cheek and ran his hand down his back. They would need to eat, soon. He knew that Naruto had enjoyed lavishing him with attention, but it was his turn, now. He pulled the clothes he had slept in out of the hamper and put them on. Naruto’s clothes were comfortable, and he liked being marked with his name. He would be sure to wear this shirt the next time Sai and Gaara were over.

 

He went to the bathroom and freshened up, then went to the kitchen to find something to eat. The first thing he saw when he opened the pantry was Naruto’s stash of ramen. Sasuke clucked his tongue. Naruto’s instant ramen addiction could not be doing anything for his cardiovascular health. Sasuke would have to learn how to make homemade ramen broth so Naruto could wean himself off of these poor substitutes.

 

That would have to come later. There was no time to make a decent stock right now. Sasuke rummaged until he found Naruto’s favorite flavor, creamy chicken. He set aside two cups and filled the electric kettle. He searched the refrigerator until he found decent salad ingredients. He would have liked to make him and Naruto an elaborate meal that they could share; it was their first homemade meal as a couple, after all. It should be special.

 

Sasuke smiled and shook his head. Every meal he shared with Naruto from now on would be special, instant ramen or not. He would make an elaborate meal another time, when they weren’t overly mellowed by sex. It was as Naruto had said, after all; they had all the time in the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is the end. I hope you enjoyed it. They had a lot that they needed to discuss, so the chapter is probably the single longest chapter I've ever written for a fic. But it was all important.
> 
> I apologize for the use of the "R" word. It was meant to reflect how destroyed Naruto was.


	5. Epilogue: Making the Most of All the Time in the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so humbled by all the comments on this fic, so I wanted to give you all a little something extra. This is set a couple of years in the future so you can see what Naruto and Sasuke are up to, now.

Sasuke smiled as he watched Naruto chattering away to an enraptured Sai. He could not believe that he had ever been jealous of Naruto’s attention; even now, he still looked for Sasuke across the crowd, making sure that he was there and that he was all right.

 

Sasuke did not enjoy parties. When he and Naruto had both graduated on schedule, though, he could not refuse Naruto’s entreaties. Who was he kidding? He could not deny Naruto a party whenever he asked for one—which he tended to do about once every quarter. Sasuke had learned to enjoy parties, if he was being truthful; watching his lover do what he did best—lighting up the entire room—was one of his favorite things.

 

Naruto laughed uproariously at some (dirty, surely) comment Sai had made. Sai flicked the tassel on his mortarboard and laughed along. Gaara hovered beside Sai, laughing along and touching his boyfriend’s shoulder affectionately. It was clear how much these meant to each other and to Naruto, just as it was clear how much Naruto meant to them. Sasuke genuinely loved seeing Naruto glow around the motley little group that had come together through his gravitational pull. “Naruto’s lost boys,” Gaara called their little group, including Sasuke, and it fit.

 

Sasuke gathered a few discarded cups and went to the kitchen for more cake. Naruto had taken about five different pieces by himself, but he had only eaten the frosting. Sasuke laughed. Naruto still had such a sweet tooth. Fortunately, he did not indulge that frequently.

 

“Hey, thanks, Sasuke!” Naruto said cheerfully as Sasuke placed the cake on the table. Sasuke kissed him on the cheek and walked through the small knot of mutual acquaintances who were caught up in Naruto’s enthusiasm.

 

He made his way to their bedroom. It still seemed odd to call it that— _their_ room. It still had a clear, bright ring to it. After he and Naruto had declared their feelings for each other, they never slept apart, but Naruto had insisted that Sasuke maintain a separate room just so he could choose whether he wanted to sleep with Naruto or not. Sasuke had thought it silly and impractical, but he understood where it came from, and it had meant a lot to him.

 

He sat on the bed and caught Naruto’s pillow up into his arms. He took a deep whiff of the familiar scent. After all these years, it still calmed him. He needed to be calm, now. Neither he nor Naruto had families who might throw them a graduation party, but most of their friends did. They had decided to throw a long party, beginning just after graduation for the “Lost Boys” and for a few of their older classmates, and stretching into the evening when their younger peers would be free to break away from their families’ celebrations.

 

This meant that the Konoha contingent would be there. Sasuke hated anything and anyone that remained connected to that god-forsaken town. He still could not forgive the people like Shikamaru and Kiba, who now considered themselves Naruto’s close friends, for the way they had treated Naruto as a child. They had all mocked, and worse, shunned him because of backwards superstitions. He despised the Hyuuga girl for following Naruto around like a lost puppy for years, even though she never did a damn thing to let him know that he had someone on his side. Like the others, she had obeyed her parents’ orders, leaving Naruto at a distance to feel as if he were some sort of monster.

 

Then, when he had proven himself, when he had won scholarships and blossomed into something that could reflect well upon them, they had all turned their faces towards him like flowers to the sun. Hinata’s father had pushed her to declare her affections, and he had then railroaded Naruto into an engagement. Sasuke thanked any number of gods that Hinata had dared to go against her father that one time; had Naruto never discovered how “squishy” she was, he might have actually ended up married to that fawning milquetoast. He shuddered at the thought of Naruto being absorbed into the Borg that was the Hyuuga.

 

As much as Sasuke had disliked them initially, people like Gaara and Sai had never looked down upon Naruto. They had respected and admired him from the beginning, and they had allowed him to blossom and flourish. Sasuke would never have been able to give that to Naruto, and he was grateful to them for that. Gaara had even urged Naruto to declare his feelings for Sasuke. When they had announced their relationship, both Gaara and Sai had been completely supportive.

 

He heard the door open. He could hear Kiba’s loud voice, as well as Shikamaru’s dull, nasal tone. He could hear the Hyuuga girl; thank god, she didn’t stutter anymore. If Sasuke had had to hear “N-n-n-naruto-kun!” today, Hinata Hyuuga might have learned the meaning of the word “shank.”

 

He took a few, deep breaths. Dealing with Konoha at all always made him bitter and angry, although the effect was lessening. Naruto never fought with him about it. Sasuke knew that, tonight, when the crowd was gone, Naruto would hold him close, just as he always did after a long and trying day, and everything would be fine.

 

He walked out into the living room. Ino Yamanaka was wearing her trademark dress, purple and body conscious. To his surprise, she was listening intently to something that the Hyuuga milquetoast was saying, leaning in closely to hear her and giggling coyly. Hinata blushed as Ino laid her hand over her knee.

 

_Wonders never cease._

 

Even more amusing than Ino’s very blatant flirtation was how utterly oblivious Mr. I’m-Straight-Pass-the-Axe-Spray Inuzuka was to the suggestion of impending girl-girl action. He was apparently already tipsy, and was boasting loudly of how he’d been accepted into a veterinary program. Choji was, predictably, stuffing his face and talking with his mouth full with Naruto. Shikamaru looked slightly less bored than usual when Temari, Gaara’s sister, walked in.

 

Some men needed to be whipped, Sasuke reasoned, and Temari was certainly capable. Temari, though, seemed far more interested in one of Naruto’s delicate little self-defense students; judging by the way the girl’s face flushed, her interest was reciprocated.

 

He went into the kitchen for another hors d’oeuvres. Somehow, there was only one left. Choji could finish this one off on his own, Sasuke thought; the liquor was running low, too, and it would not do for that to happen. Going out on a food and beer run would be a perfect pretext to leave.

 

He carried the tray out to the table.

 

“Thanks, babe!” Naruto said. He pulled Sasuke close and put his arms around him, kissing him chastely on the cheek.

 

“Eww, nobody wants to see that!” Kiba said. “Get a room.”

 

“Our room is here,” Sasuke said. “But you’re free to leave if you’ve lost your appetite.”

“Oh, shit, Sasuke, get the stick out of your ass,” Kiba grumbled. “I was just joking.”

 

“Interesting sense of humor,” Sasuke said under his breath.

 

“Don’t listen to Kiba,” Choji said.

 

“Really,” Shikamaru interjected, “don’t. He learned his best manners from dogs.”

 

“And his worst ones from his mother,” said Shino. Sasuke had not even heard Shino come in.

 

“Hey! Shut up!” Kiba cried. “I was just joking. I really was.”

 

Naruto laughed. “It’s OK, Kiba, I know you were.”

 

Kiba scowled and loped off to the living room.

 

“We’re getting low on food and drinks,” Sasuke told Naruto. “I’m going to run and pick up some chicken and some liquor. Any preferences?”

 

“Fried chicken?” Naruto asked hopefully.

 

“Fried chicken,” Sasuke averred. “What about drinks?”

 

“Beer is probably good. You probably want sake for yourself. Uh, I guess beer and whatever you want,” Naruto said.

 

“Could you pick up some vodka and a mixer of some sort?” Shikamaru asked. “I’ll give you some money.”

 

Sasuke waved his offer away. “You’re our guest. I’ll bring back vodka and a mixer. Do you have a preference?”

 

“Orange juice is fine, if they have it,” Shikamaru said with a yawn.

 

Sasuke cringed. The last time he had drunk vodka in orange juice had been a dark time.

 

“Hey, guys, there was this one time, Sasuke just poured vodka into a jug of orange juice and put it back into the fridge without telling me,” Naruto said, laughing. “Can you imagine thinking you’re gonna have orange juice for breakfast and ending up with a screwdriver, instead?”

 

Everyone laughed. Sasuke felt his face turning pink.

 

“You drove me to it,” he mumbled petulantly. Naruto looked only slightly chastened, but he was so cute that Sasuke wanted to sweep him off to bed.

 

Shikamaru chuckled. “Naruto’s one of the best people in the world, but I might drink a lot more if I had to live with him. How do you do it, Uchiha?”

 

“His liver probably looks like chopped liver,” Kiba said, laughing at his own joke. Sasuke noticed that Sai laughed along flirtatiously. He had learned, over the years, that Sai was not nearly so much a flirt as he was a cage-rattler, and Kiba’s jab about Naruto kissing Sasuke would have been just the thing to set him off.

 

“Hey, I’m not so bad, am I, Sasuke?” Naruto said with a pout.

 

“You’re an angel,” Sasuke said. He meant it. Naruto beamed.

 

“You guys are so sweet to each other,” Choji said, sniffling. Sasuke looked at the rotund boy in shock. "I hope I find somebody who makes me as happy as you guys make each other."

 

“Aww, Choji, you’re a great guy. A girl would be crazy not to want you,” Naruto said soothingly. Sasuke knew he was being sincere. Of all the Konoha kids, Choji was Sasuke’s favorite. He was never nosy or rude about Naruto’s sexuality, and he had a gentle spirit that Sasuke knew resonated with Naruto.

 

“Any woman would be lucky to have a man who cooks like you,” Shikamaru said. Choji brightened up.

 

“Beer and chicken,” Sasuke said, catching Naruto’s eye. “I’ll be back.”

 

“OK, babe, be careful!” Naruto said. Sasuke grabbed his keys off the hook and slipped his shoes on.

 

Gaara met him by the door. “Care for some company?” he asked.

 

Sasuke smiled. He knew Gaara disliked groups as much as he did. “Sure thing,” he said.

 

Sasuke started the car when Gaara fastened his seat belt. “Did Sai not want to come along?” he asked.

 

Gaara chuckled darkly. “He’s just now getting wound up. I thought I’d leave him alone to socialize.”

 

Sasuke laughed. He knew exactly what Gaara was doing. Everyone had heard Kiba’s crass comment, and Sai’s attention would be even more unnerving for him with Gaara out of the picture.

 

“You’re a real friend,” he said.

 

“You know that I am, I hope,” Gaara said. His tone was serious.

 

“I do,” Sasuke said. “I hope you know that I appreciate it, too.”

 

Gaara nodded in affirmation. “It’s good to see you and Naruto together. You’re very good for him.”

 

Sasuke felt the blood rise to his face. “He’s very good for me,” he said softly.

 

“You know,” Gaara said thoughtfully, “I was worried for a while. I didn’t want to intrude, but I knew how strong Naruto’s feelings were for you. He only ever had eyes for you. I also came to see how strong your feelings were for him. But you both seemed so oblivious to each other.”

 

Sasuke’s chest constricted. Those days seemed dark, and even now, it hurt to think of them.

 

“Sai and I both were cheering for you guys, you know,” Gaara said.

 

Sasuke nodded. “I didn’t see it at first. I was too busy being jealous of the two of you. But I was grateful to you both for accepting me so readily.”

 

Gaara laughed. “You were jealous of us. Do you realize how jealous we had been of you? On my and Naruto’s first date, all he talked about was you.”

 

Sasuke’s face was hot. “I… I’m so sorry.”

 

Gaara laughed again. “Not to worry. I figured it out. Sai, he actually counted how many times Naruto mentioned you on every date. I think you topped out at 100.”

 

“Oh, my god. He must have hated me,” Sasuke said. “Is that why he said such shocking things to Naruto and me? Was he getting me back?”

 

“Sai is incapable of hatred,” Gaara said. “Actually, he’s not. If someone were ever to harm a person he cared for, like me, or you, or Naruto, he’d be murderous. But no, that’s not what he was doing. He hoped that teasing you guys would maybe prod you to think about each other differently.”

 

Sasuke’s mouth dropped open. He thought back to the night he had drunk too much sake and said stupid things in response to Sai’s provocations. Had that not happened, Naruto might never have invited him to explore his sexuality, and as painful as the ensuing weeks had been, they might never have talked the way they needed to.

 

“So… when are you going to pop it?” Gaara asked.

 

Sasuke looked at him, dumbfounded. “How’d you know?”

 

“You’ve been reaching in your pocket all day. You seem more nervous, too, and you have been going to your room a lot more than you usually do at parties,” Gaara said. “How long have you had it, now?”

 

“Two weeks,” Sasuke muttered, irritated that Gaara had seen through him.

 

“How long did it take to get it?”

 

“Six months. I had to have it designed and have the stones set from my Mom’s…”

 

“You going to give it to him tonight? Or when everyone’s gone?” Gaara probed.

 

“I… I don’t know.”

 

“How long have you been planning on doing this?”

 

Sasuke gripped the steering wheel. “Since we first got together.”

 

Gaara laughed again. “Good for you. I’m happy for you, Sasuke. You know there’s no way he’d turn you down, right?”

 

“I… I don’t know. I want to give him an opportunity to decide without pressure,” Sasuke said thickly.

 

Gaara scoffed. “There’s nothing to decide. As far as Sai and I can tell, he’s been in love with you since childhood, and nothing has changed that, yet. And you’ve been in love with him, too. I bet he made his decision the same time you made yours. Maybe before.”

 

Sasuke thought over Sai’s words. He suddenly knew how he would ask Naruto.

 

He stopped in front of the liquor store.

 

“I’ll come in and help you carry,” Gaara said. Sasuke nodded, more grateful for the quiet companionship Gaara offered than for the assistance with the liquor.

 

They gathered the requested items and carried them back to the car. “I forgot something Sai and I wanted,” Gaara said. “I’ll be right back.”

 

“No, let me pay, Gaara, you’re guests,” Sasuke argued.

 

“It’s a small thing. Why don’t you go ahead and pick up the chicken then swing back for me?”

 

“Fine,” Sasuke agreed. The restaurant was only a block away, anyway.

 

Sasuke ordered two buckets of chicken and three dozen wings. He hoped that this would be adequate. On his way back to pick up Gaara, he saw a kiosk with flowers for sale. Naruto loved romantic gestures like flowers. Sasuke stopped and looked over the selection. He found some orange ranunculus. Bright blue forget-me-nots caught Sasuke’s eye, though… he had to have those. They were Naruto’s good-luck color, and they were the same shade as his eyes. They would go nicely with a few huge, yellow sunflowers that matched his hair so well. Sasuke could have made a model of Naruto, head to toe, by the time he was finished.

 

The saleswoman wrapped the flowers in paper, then tied the package together with twine. “You getting flowers for your wife?” she asked flirtatiously.

 

“Nope. Boyfriend,” Sasuke answered shortly.

 

“Lucky guy,” she mumbled, crestfallen. “Hope he likes them.”

 

“Thanks. I know he will,” Sasuke said, handing a one-hundred dollar bill across the counter. “Keep the change!” he called over his shoulder.

 

He dashed back to his car and sped back to the liquor store. Gaara sat on the curb with two large packages by his side.

 

He smiled when he saw the flowers on the console. “Guess it’s really going down, huh?”

 

Sasuke grinned back at him. “Guess it is.”

 

 

“I’ll take up half of the liquor,” Gaara said when they arrived back at the apartment. “I’ll come back down and help in a second.”

 

“Thanks,” Sasuke said nervously. His hands began to sweat. He had rehearsed the moment multiple times in his mind, but it was far more daunting than he had imagined. He knew Naruto’s feelings for him, and he knew his feelings for Naruto.

 

He had a few more minutes. He would have to make two trips, anyway. He picked up the cases of beer and the bottle of vodka; Gaara had already carried up the items he had bought, along with the sake and the orange juice. Kiba met him at the door.

 

“Damn, Sasuke! I see why Naruto loves you!” he said, taking one case of beer from his arms. “Shit, I’d marry you if you promised to bring me beer and chicken every weekend.”

 

“Kiba, stop flirting with my boyfriend!” Naruto shouted. Sasuke grinned. Even after two and a half years, Naruto loved tossing that word around. “Hey, babe, lemme take this off your hands.”

 

“Thanks,” Sasuke said, kissing Naruto on the lips. “The food’s downstairs. I’ll be right back.”

 

“Aww, fuck, Sasuke, you _are_ marriage material!” Kiba said again. Sasuke figured he must have been chastened at some point while he was out.

 

He made his way back down to his car. He took a deep breath. He fished the velvet box out of his pocket. For a moment, he panicked; what if someone had pick-pocketed him? He opened the box and breathed in relief to find that everything was as it should be.

 

He wrapped the box in napkins from the restaurant and lifted the lid from a bucket of chicken. He carefully placed the wrapped bundle on top of the chicken and closed the lid. Now, he would keep that in his left hand, and the other bucket in the right. He arranged the huge, motley bouquet of flowers atop the buckets.

 

He was making his way to the staircase when a familiar voice caught his attention.

 

“Sasuke?”

 

Tension knotted up in his stomach. He turned around in the direction the voice had come from.

 

“Sakura,” he said.

 

“Uhm, do you need some help?” she asked hesitantly.

 

He looked at the precarious arrangement. “Yeah,” he said. “That’d be great. Could you grab those flowers? I don’t want Naruto to see them right away.”

 

Sakura laughed as she looked at the flowers. “These look like Naruto,” she said.

 

“Hn.”

 

“So, uh, congratulations, Sasuke! Naruto told me that you were accepted into a really great masters’ program,” Sakura said. Sasuke looked at her closely. She seemed awkward, but she also appeared to be genuine.

 

“Yeah. Economics,” he said. “I think it will be a good thing.”

 

“I’m happy for you,” she said sincerely. “Both of you.”

 

“Naruto told me that you were accepted into a distinguished medical school. Congratulations, yourself,” Sasuke said.

 

“Thank you!” Sakura smiled and blushed. “I hope I can keep up.”

 

“No one doubts that you will,” he said.

 

“That’s what Kakashi said, too,” she said. “But I don’t know.”

 

“How is Kakashi?” Sasuke asked knowingly.

 

Sakura’s blush deepened. “He’s fine. Doing really well, actually.”

 

“Is he going to move with you when you go to med school?” Sasuke asked.

 

Sakura’s mouth fell open. “How… How did you…”

 

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “You don’t see him keeping up with me or Naruto, do you?” he said. “He was always especially concerned about you.”

 

Sakura looked down. “It wasn’t like that, Sasuke...”

 

“You’re both adults,” Sasuke responded. “I’m sure he was always professional with you when we were kids. It was just easy to see that he really cared for you as we went off to college. I’m glad for both of you.”

 

He was surprised at how easily the words came, how easy it was to mean them.

 

“Thank you, Sasuke,” Sakura said quietly.

 

“So is he moving with you, or no?” Sasuke probed.

 

Sakura blushed again. “Maybe not right away, but at some point, yes.”

 

“I wish you the best.”

 

“So, uh, congratulations about you and Naruto,” she murmured. “I must have been so stupid to ever think I had a chance with you.”

 

Sasuke would not argue with that.

 

“It was always Naruto and only Naruto for me,” he said simply.

“It makes so much sense,” Sakura agreed. “You were both always so wrapped up in each other. Naruto always loved you. I didn’t realize just how much.”

 

“I’m lucky,” Sasuke said.

 

“You are,” she agreed. She scraped the toe of her shoe over the pavement. “Sasuke… I want to tell you how sorry I am for chasing you for so long.”

 

The statement took Sasuke by surprise. “It’s the past. We were a lot younger, then.”

 

Sakura shook her head sadly. “I don’t know why I did. You never gave me any reason to follow you. Worse yet, you turned me down many times, but I still pursued you. I never thought about how that must have felt for you, until it happened to me. I met this boy when I transferred who seemed to fixate upon me immediately. He never harmed me, but I never felt that I was free from him until Kakashi intervened. I did a lot of reflection. I realized that I was using you, in a sense. I thought that if I won you over, I’d be able to prove myself, finally. I… was so stupid.”

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke said gruffly, “you were younger. I suppose you were immature and insecure. You should have been chasing your dreams and setting your sights on bigger things, but I also understand how easy it is to have a false view of the way life’s supposed to work out.” He breathed in through his nose and exhaled slowly. “I was angry with you for a long time. It took getting together with Naruto for me to realize that you really just pressed some unfortunate buttons of mine. You didn’t realize what you were doing or what effect it had on me. I’m glad you aren’t that girl, anymore. Not because of me, but because the world would lose out on a really gifted doctor if you were to settle for chasing after some guy.”

 

Sakura sniffled and wiped her eyes. “Thank you, Sasuke. That means a lot to me.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Sasuke said uncomfortably. “You know that Naruto’s not going to judge you and Kakashi, right? Neither of us would.”

 

Sakura nodded. “I believe that.”

 

“I can’t speak for the mongrels upstairs, but we won’t judge you,” Sasuke said irritably. His mind was back on the task at hand. Sakura had derailed him long enough.

 

“Can you keep Naruto from seeing those flowers?” he asked.

 

“You bet,” she said. For one moment, they were eleven again, training with Kakashi after school. Life had thrown them many curve balls, Sasuke reflected. They had had so little time to be innocent.

 

He made his way up the stairs clumsily, Sakura in tow. Choji opened the door when Sasuke kicked at it.

 

“Ooh, fried chicken!” he cried delightedly.

 

“I told you! Prime waifu material,” Kiba yelled. He had clearly availed himself of the liquor.

 

Sasuke set the buckets of chicken down on the counter, shooing Choji away.

 

“Naruto,” Sasuke called. “Naruto!”

 

Naruto dashed into the kitchen, his opened graduation robe trailing behind him. He had not taken it off all day.

 

“Yeah, Sasuke?” he asked brightly. Sasuke drank him in with his eyes. His face glowed with pride and happiness.

 

“Take this chicken to the table and open it,” Sasuke said.

 

Naruto reached out for a bucket.

 

“Not that one,” Sasuke snapped. “Take this one.”

 

Naruto glared at him and pouted. “Fine. I’ll take _that_ one, picky bastard. You do have a stick up your ass today.”

 

Sasuke smirked and kissed him. “I’ll have something up my ass, soon enough,” he whispered in Naruto’s ear. He swatted him playfully on the bottom.

 

Naruto blushed. He grinned at Sasuke and darted out of the kitchen, chicken in hand.

 

Sasuke’s hand shook as he followed behind him. Sakura discreetly sidled up to him and passed the flowers from behind her back.

 

“Oi, Sasuke, somebody left a wadded-up napkin in our chicken! You gotta take it back!” Naruto cried.

 

Gaara coughed. “That doesn’t look wadded up to me. Open it and see what it is.” He shot Sasuke a sympathetic look.

 

“It’s probably somebody’s false teeth,” Naruto grumbled, but he unwrapped the parcel, anyway.

 

He gasped when he saw the blue velvet box. “Shit, somebody left jewelry in here,” he said. “We gotta take it back, now! Somebody is missing their valuables!”

 

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“Um, Naruto? Why don’t you open the box?” Sakura said gently.

 

“Open it,” Kiba said. “Maybe it’s something you could pawn.” He looked gloatingly at Sasuke.

 

“Just open the box, Naruto. It won’t hurt anything,” Ino said.

 

Naruto looked around the room dubiously. He lifted the lid on the box and dropped it with a squeal.

 

“It’s a ring! It’s… it’s a ring!” he shouted.

 

“Try it on,” Shikamaru said.

 

Naruto continued to gape at the box dumbly.

 

Sasuke retrieved the box from the table and opened it with one hand. He took the ring out with shaking fingers. “Naruto,” he said, “give me your hand.”

 

The room went quiet. Naruto looked at Sasuke in shock, tears welling in his blue eyes. He held his hand out to Sasuke. Sasuke slid the ring onto his ring finger, where it fit as perfectly as Sasuke had known it would.

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto murmured. Sasuke presented the flowers from behind his back.

 

“Is this…” Naruto began, awestruck, “is this…”

 

“Marry me,” Sasuke said simply.

 

Naruto looked at his finger, then up at Sasuke.

“Answer the man!” Temari shouted.

 

“Yes,” Naruto whispered. “Yes! Yes, Yes, Yes!” He tackled Sasuke, crushing the flowers between them as he kissed him.

 

The room erupted in cheers and applause. Kiba whistled and laughed. “That was fucking epic!” he yelled.

 

Choji sniffled. “I’m so happy for you,” he cried. Hinata and Ino hugged Choji, each of them tearing up as well.

 

“I’m engaged!” Naruto cried, looking away from Sasuke for the first time. “This is my fiance!”

 

Everyone laughed. Sasuke could hardly breathe as one person after another pressed him and Naruto into hugs.

 

Gaara quietly slipped a glass of champagne into his hand, and another into Naruto’s. Looking up, Sasuke could see that Sai was passing around cups of champagne to all of their guests.

 

“A toast to the newly engaged couple,” Gaara said in his deep voice.

 

“Hear, hear!”

 

“To Sasuke and Naruto!”

 

Naruto clinked his glass against Sasuke’s. His smile lit up his entire face. Sasuke pulled him close with one arm and kissed his cheek before taking a sip of his champagne.

 

Naruto kissed him over and over again, even though everyone crowded around to see the ring. He flaunted it happily.

 

“Oi,” Naruto cried out. “Is somebody taking pictures?”

 

“On it, cap’n,” Sai answered, holding up his camera.

 

“Hey, Sakura, get in here! Let’s get a picture of our old group together!” Naruto cried.

 

Sakura looked at Sasuke nervously. “Come on,” he encouraged her. She grinned and stood on the other side of Naruto. They smiled as Sai took the photo.

 

“I’m really happy for you both,” Sakura said warmly. She laughed. “This is exactly how I would imagine a proposal between you guys.”

 

“What, you mean my _fiance_ rolling the ring up in a napkin and putting it in a bucket of fried chicken?” Naruto said.

 

Sakura laughed. “Well, you did think it was somebody’s false teeth.”

 

Sasuke snickered.

 

“How was I to know! It coulda been sombeody’s teeth! It was wrapped in a napkin in a bucket of chicken!” Naruto argued.

 

“I know how to shut you up,” Sasuke said. He pulled Naruto into a passionate kiss, not caring that everyone was watching and wolf-whistling. Naruto melted against him.

 

“Get a room!” Kiba laughed.

 

Naruto leaned back. “My _fiance_ is the best kisser.”

 

Gaara’s laughter rumbled. Sai joined in. “He’s going to look for every opportunity to use that word, now,” Gaara said.

 

Sai agreed. “Remember when they first got together? He didn’t even call Sasuke by his name for a month. Just ‘boyfriend.’”

 

Hinata and Ino laughed. “You’re the same old Naruto-kun,” Hinata said fondly.

 

“It was such a relief when you two _finally_ got together,” Ino said. “It was torture all those years, watching you guys dance around each other.”

 

“I remember watching Sasuke sneak into class early to put chocolates in Naruto’s Valentine’s Day box,” Shino said.

 

Sasuke scowled at Shino. Naruto had believed for all these years that someone else had given him candy. It wasn’t supposed to feel like charity. Sasuke could have kicked Shino’s ass.

 

Naruto looked at Sasuke. His eyes were wide with shock. “Is that true, Sasuke?” he whispered. “Was it you, all along.”

 

“It was,” Hinata agreed. “I saw him do it one year, too.”

 

Sasuke’s face flamed. He hated Konoha. He wished all these people were back in their little town, where they belonged. He would have done anything to protect Naruto from the humiliating memories of those days.

 

Naruto looked at him somberly. “Every time, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke nodded. Naruto grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “Teme…”

 

Sasuke did not allow himself to shrink from Naruto’s grip, although he wanted to.

 

He was surprised when Naruto yanked him close and kissed him heatedly. Naruto’s tears slid down Sasuke’s cheeks as their tongues slipped over each other.

 

Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke tightly. “You were my secret admirer, all those years,” he croaked.

 

Sasuke nodded, understanding, finally. His friends had not been trying to humiliate Naruto; they had simply assumed that Sasuke had always loved him.

 

He had.

 

He was glad, now, that he’d proposed clumsily in front of all of Naruto’s friends.

 

“Guys, my fiance is the best!” Naruto cried out!

 

“To Naruto’s fiance!” Hinata cheered.

 

“To Sasuke’s fiance, too!” Ino chimed in. Glasses clinked. More champagne was poured. Sasuke felt that he was surrounded by an impenetrable nimbus of light.

 

 

 

 

The party dispersed rather earlier than Sasuke had expected. Gaara and Sai had been the last to leave.

 

“Thanks,” Sasuke said as he hugged Gaara goodbye. “The champagne was a nice touch.”

 

“It was good to have something worth celebrating,” Gaara said.

 

“I got some great pictures of the two of you,” Sai added. “I’ll send you a file as soon as I download and edit them.”

 

“Thank you, Sai,” Sasuke said. He hugged the pale man gratefully. “I really appreciate it.”

 

“I don’t think Naruto could be any happier,” Sai remarked.

 

“I couldn’t!” Naruto agreed. “I have the best fiance and the best friends.”

 

The four of them laughed together. Sasuke had a circle of friends, now, thanks to Naruto, and not just the Lost Boys. He now understood that, regardless of what had happened in their childhoods, Naruto’s Konoha friends genuinely appreciated Naruto and accepted his and Sasuke’s relationship.

 

When everyone was gone, Naruto lay in his lap, peering at his ring intently. “It’s so beautiful, Sasuke, where did you ever find it?”

 

“Do you really like it?” Sasuke asked doubtfully.

 

“Hell, yeah! It’s the best ring in the world!” Naruto said.

 

“I had it made.”

 

Naruto tore his eyes away from the ring and looked up at Sasuke. “You had it made? You did that just for me?”

 

“For whom else, idiot?” Sasuke asked, feigning irritability.

 

“I just can’t believe it. My childhood Valentine is my fiance, now. The world is so weird,” Naruto said.

 

Sasuke ran his fingers through Naruto’s hair. “I think the world is pretty wonderful, right now,” he said.

 

“Yeah, it’s wonderful, but it’s weird.” Naruto held his hand up to the light and studied the ring. “Are those stones supposed to represent the Uchiha crest?”

 

“Yes,” Sasuke answered. “I had them taken from one of my mother’s engagement gifts from my father’s family.”

 

“Whoa,” Naruto breathed. “I’m gonna be an Uchiha.”

 

Sasuke stiffened. “No, you aren’t. I’m going to be an Uzumaki.”

 

Naruto looked at him again. “What? You’re changing your name?”

 

Sasuke nodded. “I’ve always known I would, from the day I wore that baseball shirt of yours with your name across the back.”

 

Naruto sat up and leapt into Sasuke’s lap. “You keep surprising me, bastard. Did you seriously decide that you were going to marry me and take my name on our first night as a couple?”

 

“Yes,” Sasuke said. “Why not? We had already told each other that we would never leave each other behind. It was the logical conclusion.”

 

Naruto kissed him passionately. “You know what I need?”

 

Sasuke shifted and put his hands on Naruto’s hips. “The same thing I need right now, I expect.”

 

“And what might that be, good sir fiance?”

 

Sasuke grinned at him. “How about I show you?”

 

He pulled Naruto into his arms and stood up.

 

“You beast, you!” Naruto laughed. “Just hauling a helpless boy off to bed.”

 

“Yep,” Sasuke said. “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

 

Naruto giggled as Sasuke carried him to their bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

In the afterglow of their lovemaking, Naruto laid his head against Sasuke’s shoulder. He was still transfixed by the ring. “All those years… he murmured. “It was you, all along.”

 

“You aren’t angry?” Sasuke asked delicately.

 

“No. I couldn’t be angry. I mean, the boy I loved was giving me chocolates, and I had no idea. It’s beautiful and sad,” Naruto said.

 

“Sad?”

 

“Yeah,” Naruto said. “Sad. Because I had no idea. And I never reciprocated.”

 

“You reciprocated enough for both of us when we were older,” Sasuke said. “I never liked chocolate, anyway.”

 

Naruto looked up at him. “I haven’t given you anything,” he said sadly. “I don’t have a ring, much less a ring like this.”

 

Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto’s shoulders. “A wise man once told me that love isn’t about reciprocity and even trades. I think that man was very right.”

 

Naruto snorted and poked Sasuke’s side. “Don’t use my words against me.”

 

“I will,” Sasuke said. “Besides, you have no idea what you’ve given me, Naruto.”

 

“I haven’t given you anything but that ratty, old tee shirt.”

 

“And you can have it back when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands,” Sasuke said. “You’ve given me far more important things.”

 

Naruto looked at him dubiously.

 

Sasuke cleared his throat. “I talked to Sakura tonight before she came in.”

 

Naruto squinted, trying to make sense of what Sasuke was saying.

 

“She apologized for chasing after me,” Sasuke said. “She told me she and Kakashi were together.”

 

“Sakura and Kakashi?” Naruto cut in. “I didn’t see that one...”

 

“Yes, Sakura and Kakashi,” Sasuke went on. “And I realized all of a sudden that I didn’t resent them, anymore. I actually forgave Sakura and wished her well. I was glad for both her and Kakashi. I don’t feel like I’m alone in the world, anymore, Naruto, and that’s all because of you.”

 

“You bastard,” Naruto sniffled. “How can you make me cry so many times in one day?”

 

Sasuke tilted Naruto’s face towards his. “Do you know how special you are? Do you understand that you were the first person who ever bothered to know me? And because of you, I have happiness. I have friends. These things would have never happened without you.”

 

“I love you, asshole,” Naruto mumbled, still sniffing.

 

“And I love you, idiot,” Sasuke said. “More than I could ever show you. So don’t get worked up about a silly ring and some chocolates.”

 

Naruto had dozed off by the time Sasuke finished his sentence. Sasuke pulled the blanket up around them and smiled. He was looking forward to tomorrow. He would wear Naruto’s clothes, and they’d stay in bed all day, and Naruto would refer to him as his fiance a thousand times.

 

Two and a half years ago, Naruto had told him that they had all the time in the world.

Sasuke had not recognized how those words had freed him up at first. It was a freedom that proved itself when Sasuke encountered the past, expecting anger and pain and instead, finding peace and acceptance. From now on, he would focus on making the most of all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all enjoyed this epilogue; I was really inspired by amazing comments. You all put so much thought into what you said, and it really made me feel great. You're all marvelous, and I hope that the ending and epilogue to the story are worthwhile to you. Lots of love, and as always, feel free to share your thoughts. <3

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm sorry for describing Hinata as "squishy," but those were dumb drunk Naruto's words, not mine, and he's just not that great with words. Apparently, Sasuke isn't either when he's drinking. 
> 
> Anyways... this is just a little fic I wrote to interrupt the gravitas of "Seeing Through New Eyes." Which I will be updating, I promise. I just needed a little break.


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